The Just-There-Girl

a poem

 

 

The Just-There-Girl stood by a scene

Unfolding before her eyes

Emotions to relate, actions to despise

Too many thoughts to relay

-No words to say

The Just-There-Girl was just there

Feeling left to their fair-weather care

 

The Just-There-Girl stood beside a crowd

Half of her heart in their brittle hands

But all are blinded by their own demands

They hear nothing at their core

-So why try to say more

The Just-There-Girl was just there

As her paper heart they begin to tear  

 

The Just-There-Girl stood with the ones

Considered once worth the while

But tries at conversation turn out just as futile

Her true feelings she will smother

-there one day, gone another

The Just-There-Girl was just there

To them where she stands, is there just air?  

 

The Just-There-Girl stood next to a road

Converging with the horizon alone

Being known through another is not being known

The same path has been travelled by and by

-By souls seeking to find more than a lie

The Just-There-Girl was just there

  Until one day-

                She just wasn’t 

Author's Note

any thoughts? I appreciate all reviews! :)

Reviews

[Tex]

Any thoughts? are you joking!

This is masterful. your honesty, and simple delivery of this authentic write makes this a standout work. this is worthy of publication. I am thankful you entered this in the change the world competition as I might never have seen it otherwise.

If my piece wasn't also in the top 5 I would vote for you, but don't tell anyone, and I will deny saying it. ;-)

100/100

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

I had to say, Ha ha. Loved this review Nicholas.

[Tex]

:-D

[Mark Anthony Games (Human Voice)]

Is this grounds for disqualification???

Eden, Out of respect I mentioned you in a poem by Frederick Kesner 'In Our Image'. I just believe if you mention someones name they should know about it, so now you do.

[EdenHarper]

wow, thank you so much Nicholas! haha this review made me laugh :)

[EdenHarper]

and thank you for letting me know about me being mentioned, I'm honored! gosh! :D

[Tex]

;-)

[critic h]

d poem is souly, the real portrait of todays so called modern sophisticated and highly civilized human race.
it throbs ur heart to ur mouth as it describes the blindfolded men.

but d poem lacks d description required to enrage pity for the left alone girl.

[EdenHarper]

thanks so much for your support and critiques! they are much appreciated :)

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

The Just there girl
(Review for Change the World Competition) YES YES YES YES, I cannot say enough how much I love this. I was a ‘just there boy’ so it is no surprise that this piece is one of only two to get perfect 10 in both ‘effect’ and ‘connection’ categories. This sums up my point about poetry. You do not have to spend hours crafting, sculpturing and perfecting a piece with cleaver metaphors and similes, Just dump your emotion on the page. This is so simple and clear that if there is anyone out there who cannot relate and feel what you say then I am sure they are dead inside. Great, Great work

[Mark Anthony Games (Hum..]

Astonishing, nothing wrong with simple. Posh people stole poetry from the heart of man and women and made it fancy and flighty and all la dee bloomin da. Emotion makes a poem and the ability of people to feel your words makes it terrific. One of the strongest entries so far in 'Change the World' competition.

[Becca Bishop]

Oh. My. Goodness. I just clicked on the first piece of poetry on your page expecting - from the title - to have it be some kind of "oh, woe is me! wah!" type of poem. Bad Becca. I should've learned by now not to judge a poem by it's title. Sometimes I honestly think I deserve to be smacked over the head with a large fish. Maybe it would knock some sense into me.

But I'm not here to talk about me. I'm here to talk about you! And your superbly wonderful, amazingly real poem that I just read!!!! My absolute favorite line in the poem was "Being known through another is not being known". I'm very, very jealous right now. Very.

LOVED IT!!!! I even wrote that in all capital letters because you deserve it! Here, I'll do it again:

I, BECCA BISHOP, DO HEREBY ANNOUNCE, STATE, PROCLAIM - INSERT A BUNCH OF OTHER FANCY WORDS HERE - THAT THIS IS THE GREATEST POEM I'VE EVER READ AT 11:10 PM!!!! IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THIS POEM I PITY YOUR SOUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I think that about sums it up. :D

[EdenHarper]

Wow! I feel overwhelmed by your incredibly sweet and invigorating review! haha this makes me want to get right back and start writing another- since I hadn't written one for a while. though, maybe that's what I need to do, not write a poem for a month and then I write a good one! ;) thank you so much! this made my day :)

[no sun]

A wonderfully crafted poem.

[EdenHarper]

thank you! :) and thanks for reading.

[zainul]

I thought the piece a simple one at the beginning.
But,as I entered into it,felt the wonderful rhyming pattern and understood
its depth,I became very impressed and overwhelmed.
I have to learn more about the "The Just-There-Girl " later.
But,before doing that I want to invite all my friends and well wishers
to come and read this amazing poem.
100/100

[EdenHarper]

your thoughts are very treasured, I think a good word is better than anything else. :) thank you, thank you, Thank You!

[zainul]

You are most welcome,sweet poetess :)