with age

I dreamt of old faces,
scarred and scratched like old angry photographs
(you used a knife to cut them out of your life
like a useless organ, like a piece of dying tissue)

and I dreamt that I had grown old with you,
that we lived together in a lonely home where neither of us
remembered each other’s name,
where neither of us could stand to look at each other;

I dreamt that we had cancer, us two, a cancer
that gnawed at us with small, sharp teeth
and it was a cancer of words and hands
that could not hold one another, eyes that watched
clocks, and walls, and in the end,
I was just a dying piece of person that you wanted to cut out,
but your hands were too shaky
for the cutting.

Reviews

[James Hanna-Magill]

Dear Miss Coral

I thought I would pop over to say hello. I like reviewing, as well as writing. And at times, I like to read pieces by writers new to the site - not just by way of welcome, but because it is always nice to see fresh blood.

I have nothing to do with the admin of this site. I am just a writer and reviewer like anyone else.

Reactions?

1) I loved your one sentence bio 'I write s**t'.

If I can react to that in a meaningful way, as it made me smile, this must be one of the highest quality pieces of excrement I have so far encountered in my 53 year old journey on the blue planet!

2) You place me in the land of nightmares. I often have them and they affect the rest of my day. Read my little piece 'Understanding' on here if you have five minutes of boredom to waste!

This nightmare of yours frightened me. I could feel shivers run up and down my spine. Nightmares can be so dislocated, different parts of our lives scattered and as torn as the photographs to which you refer.

I have realised over my life that I am an empath, in the sense that I can not just feel the emotions of others spiritually but physically.

3) Style? Effective. Suits the mood of the poem.

4) Meaning? Ah now that is where you leave me guessing. But often that is how a writer can provoke even greater reaction than a straight-forward piece. You make me ponder and imagine. It is the same as listening to the radio where more imagination is required than watching the television.

My take? At first I see a broken relationship, where you imagine how it would have been had you stayed together. The pain of a mismatch. Like a disease.

But then you throw me in the last three lines:

"I was just a dying piece of person that you wanted to cut out,
but your hands were too shaky
for the cutting".

Did you stay together or not? Did you break it? To use your language, did you flush the s**t down the toilet?

Uncertain. But do I need to know the answer? No. I prefer to be left to ponder, like listening to the radio.

This piece moved me, though it wasn't a movement of the bowels, as you presume (with a smile). It scared me and I like it very much, for what little my opinion is worth.

Don't change your bio. It will attract readers like me in to discover it isn't s**t, rather the reverse!

With my kindest regards

James

[y0shek]

This is a beautiful poem. The "volta" or turn near the very end is refreshing and sheds new light on a tragic dream. I am left wondering still if the narrator feels the same way as s/he percieves the significant other. Part of me thinks s/he doesn't because s/he dreams of growing old with the significant other. The last part really accurately portrays the feeling of being victim from the other person's attitude (or the attitude which is perceived by the narrator) Overall I think it is a wonderful poem! 9/10 from me! :) Thanks for sharing.

[Coyote Poetry]

Old age can bring many things. The poem brought the negative parts out. People do change with time. Sometime not for the better. A very interesting and logical poem. Thank you for sharing the excellent poem.
Coyote