Chapter one

Frayed, snapping, someone help. She couldn't stop or prevent it from continuing, only get swallowed by the consequences. Arguments, shouting, helplessness, why won't they just stop? Spinning around faster, slowly dissolving her sanity. The voices in the back of her head screaming ‘get out’ and ‘give up’ all at the same time. After all these years she thought she would have built up a tolerance to this, yet as the years progress, it gets seemingly worse, they get worse. All alone, no one to talk too, isolated dangerously her whole life except from the people who made her this way.

A cheating, lying father, an abusive mother. Why can’t they say what they mean? No food, then being kicked for being too skinny. Sickly bags under her eyes after lying awake all night listening to them argue, yet that is somehow her fault. She should act as though to be perfectly fine when the police show up, being called to the house after someone hears her screams, because that is what is expected of her.

No escape, no safe place, only herself and her thoughts. Trapped, suffocating, everything spiralling out of control as she desperately tries to grasp at the strings. She has to get out. Run far away, yet she can't. They would find her, there would be no leaving this place for years. This time has been the worse Sam has been in weeks, it was petrifying to be this far from control and this close to the edge. Finally after all these years she seems to have snapped, like something inside of her has clicked and all rational thoughts clouded over like mist over an ocean before a storm.

she glanced out of the window, staring at the full moon outside. Why was she trying so hard? no one cared if she composed herself right now, no one could see her. Heart beat quickening and brain waves spasming out of control, all thought gone, washed away in the rip tide of realisation.

she stood up slowly, from the corner of the room she had been previously rocking in for the past hour, a blank expression adorning her face. for the first time in years, she felt nothing. No pain, no panic, nothing, she had snapped. finally she had let go of the strings of her mentality, they swayed just in reach but she wasn't grasping for them anymore. Padding toward the window with uneasy, unstable steps, she reached gingerly for the frame with shaky fingers. She looked over her shoulder, unconsciously checking for any sign of movement in the door. With that as confirmation, after she knew she was completely alone, she rolled open the window frame.

The icy cold midnight air hit her damp forehead like a ton of bricks, but she didn't care. the window sill scraped the back of her thighs as she swung her legs outside, but she didn't care. The drop from her bedroom to the ground was an  unhealthy distance, yet she still didn't care. she needed to get out and that is what she was going to do. Sam had no idea where she was heading, but the idea of the undisclosed destination she was yet to embark upon gave her a thrill.

With a final self-assured heave of breath, Sam dropped from the window ledge and landed at the bottom in the mud gracelessly. Wet soil splattered up her legs and into her brown hair, matting the ends in an ill-favoured manner.

The young girl righted herself and head off in the direction of nowhere, to the destination of no place in particular, through the trees and undergrowth just past the gate at the bottom of the garden. She didn't know if she would get lost, but she knew she would have to come back before her parents noticed her absence. No one was aloud to know she had wandered off like this in the dead of night.

The branches of the trees glisten under the moonlight as she progresses into the darkness. Never had she even dreamed of leaving the house, so she had never even touched the gate she had previously departed from. The probability of Sam getting lost was sufficiently high, yet she just kept walking.

Surprisingly, a slight indentation of grass snaked through the trees, as if someone had been here before. Sam’s feet followed it like a train follows its tracks. One foot after the other, leading her further and further away from her personal hell.

Sam realised after momentarily looking down at her toes she had not worn shoes, in her flustered frenzy to slip out of the windowsill she had forgotten to bring anything with her. Yet, after traipsing through the woodland for what could be a few, possibly more, minutes, it was too late to turn back.

The surrounding area had not changed for a while now, rows upon rows of trees blending into one, creating a green smudge that somewhat hypnotised Sam, prodding her to venture forth on the mysteriously plotted path.

Twigs and dried leaves crumpled and snapped under the bare soles of Sam’s feet, the occasional rock cutting slightly into the flesh, the pain didn't bother her at all.

Her eyes flickered up from the path when it unexpectedly tapered out. She scanned her new surrounding frantically, a flutter of panic blooming in the bottom of her stomach at the loss of her safe spot..

A large willow tree grew just ahead of where she stood, the absence of other trees or undergrowth surrounding it gave it an important status.

“So this is where it leads.” Sam rasped, voice breaking, the effect of her prolonged silence. She tentatively took a single step toward the tree, admiring the draping branches with awe, the panic she previously felt wilting slightly.

Wind rustled the tree, parting its branches like a rock parts running water. Sam noticed with slight curiosity that a rope was tied one of the larger limbs. Old and frayed, it too danced with the breeze in a whimsical manner.

What has that doing here? Sam squinted trying to get a closer look without actually approaching it.

Electricity. A shock wracked her body, from the top of her head to the top of her toes. Sam tried to wrap her arms around herself in protection but she couldn't move, frozen like a deer in headlights. Trapped, her eyes completely fixed on the rope, unable to avert her gaze, utter distress overcame her. What is this? Her feet moved toward the tree involuntarily. Sam tried desperately to stop them, but she had no control over her body. More and more steps her feet made dragging the rest of her body with them until she was directly underneath the frayed rope.

Up close, she could make out a slack knot at the end, still her mind wasn't in control of her body. Her arm slowly reached up for the knot. Sam cried out in sheer panic yet didn't make a sound at all. Her fingers stretched out as her pointer finger made slight contact with with rope.

A wave of calm washed over her, followed by another bout of the same electricity from earlier. Something inside her mind clicked and she regained control over her actions.

Sharply retracting her arm and cradling it on her heaving chest, She panicked and rapidly and sprinted blindly out of the small clearing.

Tears clouding her vision, she ran up the trail. Branches reached for her pale skin desperately, scratching her arms and face. Stones imbedded into her feet as they slapped onto the ground, only this time she was hyper-aware of the pain. Streams of salty water stained her wind burnt face as she reached her backyard fence.

Placing her hands on the wood, she ducked her head below her shoulders and breathed in and out heavily, borderline hyperventilating. Crying less now, she looked up at the finger her body had used to touch the rope. A small blister adorned the tip, just below the fingernail. She shoved her hand in her pocket, not wanting to see. Sam opened the gate to the garden and headed toward her window with shaky legs.

She climbed the drainpipe and jumped into her bedroom through the open window. What has she just done? She buried her face in her pillow and cried hysterically once again feeling incomplete

After some time Sam fell asleep, aided by the soft whisper of a voice she didn't know was there, soothing her sobs and calming her breathing.