Strawberry Cream Cheese

“Strawberry Cream Cheese”

 

I drank your words,

Believing they were as sweet

As the strawberry cream cheese

That colored my bagel,

The night we shared secrets,

 

Only to discover,

Their stale artificiality,

That left a bitter aftertaste
On my tongue.

Author's Note

Feedback would be lovely :)

Reviews

[SquinklaPsyOps]

What you should do is make sure is Philadelphia strawberry cream cheese and not the generic kind, because it tends to leave an after taste.

[Clockwork]

Comparing his words to strawberry cream cheese is a fresh comparison. Using that descriptor really provides a specific flavor and sweetness for his words. Also, the line about sharing secrets adds a very personal layer to this one. The moment you shared very real pieces of yourself, and you were vulnerable.

I like the contrast that the second half creates. In a way, I'm reminded of occasions where I have bitten into a bagel and found that it was stale. But that's taking things too literally here. Your metaphor suggests this person, with his sweet words, was actually a fake. That discovery is something I'm sure that we all can relate to. I like what you have built here, and I will send you a personal message with a small suggestion.

[Libby Carsons]

i received your message and thank you so much for the time you have taken for giving feedback!! i think your suggestion is absolutely helpful and i agree with you completely! Thanks again for your time! I will be revising the poem shortly

[Clockwork]

You're welcome, I'm glad it helped :-)

[For Worse]

I love this! Partially because I looooove strawberry cream cheese. But, also because this so sweet and simply put. I like how straigthforward it is. Lovely comparison.

[Libby Carsons]

Thank you! It means a lot!

[Danielle Bernard]

I like it. Honestly too. You have skill :)

[Libby Carsons]

that means so much thanks!

[Nick.B]

A wonderful write, interesting idea how bitter lies can be...great job

[Libby Carsons]

thank youu!!

[Wórdsmíth]

well, that's a nice write, it's a good one pretty. words're lovely, i think you've got bitter taste of ice cream...lol, but don't worry you're under water on your walla pice. so, it think you can wash that bitterness..lol.
that's a lovely write, words got me. I think the idea to write...to drop here's unique.
Well. it's reality, i'm sure...omg..........i can't see you with such kinda bitterness pretty on your tougue, so, i'll wish that bitter'll come to you on your whole mouth too....lol
(no offense, just kiddin')lol
that's a lovely write, i liked this one pretty.
nice flow of ink.

[Libby Carsons]

hahah thanks so much for your time!

[beautiful dreamer]

wowsers libby! great write!

[Libby Carsons]

glad you think so! thanks!

[beautiful dreamer]

you are soooooo welcome :)