My Fifth Love

You

tossed

me

into

the

abyss

--I

screamed

myself

hoarse--

then

fed                           trimmed                        walked

the                           my                               wailed

dog                           nails                             waited

while

sailing

to

the

bottom.

 

My Fifth Love, the next day

 

I've

been

falling

up

ever

since

 

Reviews

[theludus]

What I'm enjoying about this one is the bleak side, there's a nonchalance about it all that forgives the lead in, which as a lead in is precisely the sort of opening you'd expect from a run of the mill poem: that's why it works, because the departure for that points back to the dispellment. (i hope dispellment is a word)

I also noticed the easy rhythm you have and knack for placing rhyme in there too so that it's unobtrusive. It's fun reading your stuff.

My Fifth Love, the next day



I've

been

falling

up

ever

since

I understand what you are going for here, but the way it's presented creates an awkward clash of tenses, I assume you will know what I mean, because I bet you spend a lot of time smoothing these writes out and as such you will probably know stuff, and stuff about what I mean. Also, I don't think the reversal of gravity is much of a surprise, and when paired with that tense issue it really isn't worth it imo... the poem already gets the work done, as does the title.

[Vincent Esprit FMI]

Yes it has been tough. The experience was traumatic, but you know what, I can walk and still walk. Libbby this is an excellent testimony of the witness of the human to perseverance and continuity in the face of "deafening" challenges.
Thanks for this witness. The creativity in expressing this piece is interesting!

Best regards,
Vincent