I Long For.

Write about something you long for.

The things I long for are different. Different in the sense that I dont want money or a big house or any of the things like that. I long for my depression to end. For me to wake up one morning and to feel something. To not be an empty husk carrying about my soul. I long to no longer feel worthless and sad. Like I can do something right. Just once hear a "good job" or Ï'm proud of you" No one has ever said those things to me. I mean I know I'm not really good at a lot of things. If anything the only thing I can think I'm actually good at is writing. Writing things no one will ever read and writing with my eyes filled with tears.

I long to feel comfortable in public places and around people I don't know. To be able to make a phone call with a stranger and not be worried that they will be angry with me for calling. I have problems worrying about ordering food from restraunts because I'm scared I'll stumble over my words so I talk quickly and the waitress usually has to have me say it twice. Or I'm afraid they will just say no. I know how crazy this all sounds but its true. I get the exact same thing every where I go because I know it. I know how the words are supposed to sound and how they are supposed to come out. I wish I didnt have this fear anymore