You Had Me At Goodbye

it's become so very obvious

embarrassingly clear

that i am not the one for you

no, i'm not even near

it's time to slit open my heart

make it devoid of you

once it's clean i'll stitch it back

and it'll beat brand new

i'll bathe my brain in herbal tea

dump ice water on my soul

i'll pick your name out from my teeth

and i'll cover the cavernous holes

the tears about you, i'll cry away

i'll wash them down the drain

i'll cleanse my mind with thunderstorms

and pretend i feel no pain

i'll walk with an unfamiliar strut

a new confidence and new vibe

until i remember you again

oh, you had me at 'goodbye'

-l.r.

Reviews

[C. Rose]

My favorite stanza is the second, but I really enjoyed the first three lines of the third stanza too.
I don't feel like the fourth line of the third stanza fit because the first three lines brain, soul, and teeth and related to the body.

Favorite line: i'll cleanse my mind with thunderstorms

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you.

[Kunda]

Great piece, all the way through, enjoyed it!

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you!

[KaoticOrder]

I love this, its written in such a beautiful and relateble way.
It is such a painful feeling when you know you aren't the person for someone... Hits like a ton of bricks, usually out of the blue.

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you, I appreciate your review.

[KaoticOrder]

Not a problem. I enjoyed your poem

[Nicholas Duboe]

I loved your choice of words in this. It (to me) was creative, original and fun to read. Its easily relatable and personal. Thank you for entering the contest and I hope to see you next season!

One thing, work on format and writing cleanly. What I mean is to use your commas, periods, pay attention to capitalization like the fourth like "no, i'm not even near" make it I'm. Its always a plus when the poem is great as well as the format.

Thanks for sharing your work! Keep it up!

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you so much, I appreciate your tips!

[Daisy]

wonderful way to say goodbye.... but i think easy said then done... don't you agree
very well done

[Lexi Richard]

Yeah, definitely easier said than done... Thank you

[Broken Serenity]

I loved your poem. This really connected with me. The feeling of rejection throughout the poem and finishing off with a layer of finality and moving on. Not that it was really finality, simply the closest one could get to being over it after the terrible goodbye that had taken place. The lack of rhyme or any rhythm was also something I admired. It was a bit choppy, signifying the turmoil and pain and distress of everything even more so.

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you, I appreciate your review.

[Lexi Richard]

Oh, and this does have a rhyme scheme actually! (A,B,C,B is the first stanza) I hope that doesn't change your opinion.

[Malark]

My favorite part of this was the climax, which wrapped everything up but left a good strand of wonder behind for the reader to reflect and lament upon. Well done.

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you.

[Frankie Ivy]

this poem is absolutely amazing! upsetting but beautiful, i wish i could write poetry as movingly and as well as you do! really this is brilliant xx

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you so much! You are too kind!!

[❤ Maggie ❤..]

This was awesome. So sad, but really good!

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you!!

[Tony]

I like the lyrical quality-- make a cool song, like a ballad
A little guitar or piano or both haha-- anyway, awesome work:) Write on!

[Lexi Richard]

Thank you!