Ways to Get Kicked Out of Wal-Mart

1:. Wander around with a hunched back and baggy jacket with big pocket with sunglasses and a walkie talkie. Talk into the walkie talkie and then when somebody asks you what you're doing, yell, "LOOK OUT!!!' And push them into a shelf

2:. Pass out candy to random people and snicker loudly when they take one

3:. Buy 300 bags of Cheetos and scream "THIS CAN'T BE RIGHT!!! YOU HAVE TO PUT SOME BACK!!!!!' once the cashier tells you the price

4:. Walk around the CD aisle and ask someone where you can find the "musical devices

5:.When the announcer thing comes on, throw yourself on the florr and scream, "THE VOICES!!!!! THEY'RE BACK!!!!!"

6:. Start a fruit fight

7:. Walk up to random people and give them a bear hug and scream, "I MISS YOU MAN!!!!!"

8:. (This requires a comrade) Jump in a cart and have your comrade push you around while you scream, "THE BRITISH ARE COMING!!!!!"

9:.Walk up to an employee and murmur, "Code red in aisle 3."

10:.Slip a bunch of female objects into a guy's cart

11:.Attept to fly off a high shelf

12:.Throw confetti on costumers that aer entering the store

13:.Whisper, "I know your llittle secret into people's ears

14:. Stand inside the freezer in the frozen food section

15:.Walk up to employees and whisper, "I see dead people, they want me to take yo away...to aisle 8"

16:. Wheel chair races

17:.Wear a bra like a hat and walk aroun the store

18:. Hide in the clothes rack and whisper to the people that are looking through clothe

19:. (Requires 4 people) Shopping cart jousting!!!!!Two people wear hats and holding pool fun noodles are in the cart (One in each cart) while two other people are pushing.

20:. (Requires 5 people) 4 people are hiding in the clothes rack while the best actor is looking at the clothes. The person looking turns their back to the clothes rack and counts down from 5 to 1 and when she says zero, 4 pairs of arms reach out and grab you. 1 pair on arms, 1 pair on legs, 1 pair on neck, and 1 pair around waist. And when they do that, scream the best scared as heck scream there could ever be.

Reviews

[Lexiii]

LOL!!! You funny. I would use those, but I really am going to do these things and I don't think I'm going to kidnap Chinese children. That would require going to china and I'm broke

[Urquhart]

#2 and 9 were funny, but the rest were just kind of silly. Might I suggest:

#21 Replace the mannequins with real people. This may sound a bit difficult but Rohypnol and Horse tranquilizers are on sale in aisle 9.

#22 Hire, buy or kidnap a group of chinese children (Or Taiwanese if you're pressed for time or strapped for cash). Train them, arm them and lead them in a guerrilla war against the Wal-Mart oppressors. Head-Quarter yourself in Men's clothing and lead raids on the cashiers. Solicit help from nearby Starbucks (Perennially full of communist sympathizers) and form a Glorious Workers Republic. Destroy any who dissent.

At first I meant this to be an actual review, but now I'm thinking #22 would make for an awesome short story.