Refusal

This is a different refusal, one from myself.

I tell myself every night

I'm different

I'm not like him

I'm not him

But the mood swings come more often everyday

The anxiety, the anger

I try to ignore the fact that sometimes

I lose it

Because I'm not like him

I'm not him

When I've almost convinced myself that I'm okay

It hits me 

The depression, the pain

All of it

All of him

It Hits me at once

And I'm exactly like him 

But I refuse to accept it 

I refuse to be just like the man who rejected his daughter

Because that man is crazy 

And I refuse to be crazy

I won't be like him

I won't let him live through me

I guess that's the crazy thing

Because while I'm refusing him

He's already taking me

I'm already him

After all

We are blood 

Author's Note

I have way overused this topic, but it has been a dark cloud over my head so I've just been in need to get it out. I swear I'm almost done.

Reviews

[Riddhi]

Dear Eve..You know my father also rejected me..I never found a person like you who is so similar to me..You know whenever my mom says that you are having his blood , I feel so shameful that I am his daughter...Every night , when I also sleep same thought come in my mind..When I look at my friends I always think why I can't have a happy and a normal family like them..But I never got its answer..We both are in same situations..I am glad to have you as my friend here...
Keep on writing...

[Eve]

Thank you for the review! I do the same thing! I'll compare my family with my friends' families and wonder if it's just me. I'm so happy to have found someone who gets it.

[Riddhi]

I can understand..You know when I was a child of 4 or 5 years at that time it used to hurt me a lot..But since my birth I have seen this and now actually I am habituated to it...

[flaco]

It may be the same topic but you are telling it in different ways. Painfully but with truth and perspective. Keep telling it until it's all our

[Eve]

I'm glad to hear I'm not boring anyone with a repeat. However I do think it's time to move on. Thank you for answering my question.

[Onlyme]

Overpowering, thoughts and feelings that can and will take control of you. If you let them. You are you. No matter what. Never let the demon. Control you. As then he wins. Not you.

[Eve]

Thank you so much for the support.

[Crowley]

Hard one to deal with. I think a lot of people struggle with this at one point or another but maybe not to this degree. First the writing. Succinct and dark in tone lending a good feel to the subject matter. You did a very good job with the emotional content not coming off so strong that it just seems like a rant, it feels full and honest. As for the situation, if its one you are experiencing, the only advice that I could give would be to find whatever shred of good or noble is in that person and hold on to that as the part of the blood you got and forge on with your own set of truths and beliefs. Blood only goes so far, we have the ability reinvent ourselves as long as we are the ones doing the reinventing. Time for a blood transfusion.

[Eve]

This is an amazing review on so many levels, thank you so much. I'm so glad you enjoyed the poem and it wasn't too much of one thing. As for your advice, I really appreciate it. You guys are just so inspiring in so many ways, thank you again.

[Aaron]

very nice , its a heart touching poem

[Eve]

Thank you so much.