chapter 1

The story of my family and my kingdom has been passed down through the generations of my line and it will continue to be passed down through me.

This is the story of my ancestor Alana; she was the youngest daughter of King Radburn and Queen Pamella.

Their eldest son, William, had his mother’s deep chocolate brown hair and green eyes, and was his mother’s favorite. William was a kind young man who was believed to become one of Miray’s greatest rulers. His passion for excitement and adventure had him running all around the grounds of the castle as a young boy and as he grew so did his range of exploration. The people of the village became accustom to seeing him being chased after by his nurse maid throughout the village market.

The second child that came to the queen and king was Angela, she was a very pretty child who grew to a pretty young woman with hair black as night and black eyes, Angela was a quiet person and hardly went out of the castle. She would scoff at the thought of William running around the streets below the castle for in her opinion that was not the way royalty should act.

William was handsome and Angela pretty but neither could compare to the beauty of the youngest Alana. At first Alana looked nothing like her father or mother, her hair was blond from the moment she was born and her eyes were a brilliant shade of blue that seemed to sparkle with excitement always. Radburn first disclaimed Alana to be his accused Pamella of betraying him with another man, but as Alana grew older she became so much like her father in personality that he could no longer deny her as his own and as she grew her beauty became more obvious and he shyness turned to wit and humor, she quickly became her father’s favorite.

As the years passed and the children grew older Radburn and Pamella began to train them for their future roles. William would be king, If Angela and Alana were to marry men of lesser rank they would lose their titles of princesses of Miray their only hope of keeping their tittles they must marry princes from afar and leave their home to join their husband’s.

Princes from all over came to see Angela very eager to try and make an alliance with the great kingdom of Miray but when they came to see and meet Angela they would quickly fall in love with her sister Alana. Angela was furious with her sister for taking away her chances of having a kingdom of her very own. She settled for a high ranking nobleman named Nathaniel, who was a great man and very well liked amongst the other nobles, and gave up her tittle for a new one of Noblewoman she moved with Nathaniel down to the village where her father granted her and her new husband a gift of a great estate.

Alana vowed never to marry and never to give up her rank as princess or to leave the home she loved so much, so to take her mind off of such unpleasant things she would throw huge lavish balls in her brother and hers honor.

The people of Miray soon became accustomed to seeing Alana and William wondering the marketplace together and picking out fabrics and sweets. They would walk arm in arm with each other wherever they would go and soon rumors started flying around that since a suitable princess could not be found for William to marry and Alana has refused all offers of marriage that the two would marry and rule the kingdom together. This idea was welcomed by the people of Miray for they all adored the princess and hated to lose her and thought William could do no better than her.

War broke out between the neighboring kingdom Alden before it could be anything more than rumors, Alana was then 18, Angela 21, and William 23.

Radburn knew he was now to old to fight and sent William in his place as part of his final training before becoming King. William sent letters to his favorite sister as often as he could, telling her everything that was happening with the war, but the war had been going on for almost 2 years and Alana was to turn 20 in just a week and still William had not returned.

This is her story

Reviews

[Susan M]

I know you said this is a rough draft but there are punctuation and spelling issues - "there" instead of "their". This part seems like it's setting the stage for the rest of the story but it feels rushed. Maybe take more time and expand on the siblings and back story?

The paragraph that begins "Angela wasn't happy ..." feels like a list. Try to limit the use of the word "then". Let the actions create the flow and it'll feel less listy.

I'm interested to find what happens next!

[Devian]

I feel like this is going to be a great one-of-a-kind tale, and I can NOT wait for the rest of it to come out for the rest of us to read. This is going to become a work of art.

[Antonio Valentino]

wow... love your imagination!

this is going to be a very cool story.. keep working on it, it is awesome so far...

:)