Chapter 3: Missed

A Chapter by Leslii Jupetis

Establishes Yvonne's friendship with Clint and she admits that he is what keeps her "afloat" further establishes her distorted relationship with Ripley and develops Ripley's character more

Aunt Frankie's, an old sun lit house where the smell of dry wood and cracked sealant mixed with fried chicken and baby powder. I lived in her guest room, gray-green walls, eucalyptus leaves, one high window like a jail.
I had moved to Oakland, when I began the visual and performing arts academy a year earlier.

Away from home, I lived on lattes, "blue tickets," energy drinks and my prescriptions. I purged the little food I ate. My body shrank. Soft curves into bony islands. An hourglass into a milk-draped skeleton. Clothes slipping off of me like rain-soaked weeds. Breasts, high-hanging ghost fruit mapped with deep lay-lines of blood-streak turquoise

A "twig insect with tits" Clint called me.

Clint was my buoy. Soft-bodied human jacket. He bought me dinner when I couldn't. Taught me guitar riffs and let me sleep in his bed without trying to touch me. When I needed someone he was there.

After months of calling her I finally convinced Sasha to leave her small time rapper L.A. Boyfriend and join me at the academy.
A few weeks later I left Frankie's to live with Sasha. We moved into the apartments above the train tracks, right across from school.

Aunt Frankie was happy to board me until then. I looked after her daughter Blair. A happy pink wiggle of a baby, little fingers like curled shrimp always clasping around my hoop earrings.
Frankie's on and off boyfriend JD, an angry faced man, tight skinned like a potsticker, would come back from living in a motel for a week, all promises and gifts. He would stay for a few days playing father of the year, fixing things around the house and making his 'famous' fried chicken before losing his temper again.

He punched a hole in the wall once. Crumbled plaster and a crown of blood, lath slats broken in a ring. JD on the floor with snapped knuckle bones.
Blair dry-tear screaming in her high chair and Frankie running, searching for her keys to drive him to the hospital.
JD left again that night. Frankie swore it was the last time. But he was back again the next week.

When I left to live with Sasha we vampire sucked from each other's lives. Staining outselves in the other until we were hardly two seperate people.

I still looked after Blair after class. A small addition to the financial aid package I received. Frankie, a worrier would send me home with leftovers, or food she "accidentally" bought too much of. Back at the apartment, I would gorge, purge into my trash can and then wait until Sasha went to sleep to dump it in the toilet.

But she caught me once. She tried to be upset, but soon accepted it. Even tried to start purging herself. But Sasha couldn't do it. She would start to gag and pull her fingers out of her mouth too soon. Always competitive with me she began to starve herself. We would stand in front of the mirror comparing bodies, counting wind chime ribs.

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After that first night at the "black diamond" Penn called me periodically. Always late at night. He would come by, stay just long enough to wreck me again and then leave. Sometimes in his car sometimes in my bed.

I longed to see him. I insisted that Sasha and I go to "The Black Diamond" every Wednesday, hoping to relive that first night.

I always watched the cage girls. The blonde one fascinated me. Something about her. Slinky legs and a skinny waist. Exquisitely intoxicating. Shaking and twirling above the floor.
We stayed until closing one night. Sasha talking to a man in fishnet and a collar.

She was at the bar, the blonde cage girl, fierce stiletto boots wrapped around the legs of a stool. She was eating apple pie.
I finally recognized her

"You're Summer Payne" I said.

She looked at me, unrecognizing a hint of irritation. "Yeah, who are you?"

"Oh" I blushed, "you probably wouldn't remember me." My body goose fleshed as I spoke, "but I had the biggest crush on you in high school"

Her expression changed. "Really? Well I'm sorry I don't remember you. But if you looked anything like you do now back then..."
She stopped and put her hand to my hair before twirling her finger in my necklace. She pulled me close.
Her soft glossy lips touched mine. Sticky, I could taste the apple pie.
A hot blood flush of nerves. Tingling and nervous.
Summer pulled away and gave me a smile.

"It was nice to see you again" I said.

"Mmm-hmmm" and she went back to her pie.

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Crush the Cell the resident metal band at the school, Sasha was in class with Conner, the bassist. He invited us to a show they were going to play.
Sasha had been going on about Conner for weeks. She spent over an hour trying on different outfits before settling on dark jeans and a black beater top. She even asked me to do her makeup. Which she rarely wore.
In Sasha's silver pickup, we drove around Oakland trying to find the venue. A damp underground room stuffed with people clumped together like grains in a ricecake.
Crush the Cell was good I had to admit. And the drinks were strong. Sasha and I stayed to the side of the room, out of the pit. A swarm of humans, throwing themselves into each other. Clashing bodies like crash test cars.
Pit etiquette I called it, the ring of guys around it, containing the fury, keeping us safe.

After their set, Sasha mini-danced her way to Conner,
"You were great!" She half sang, vodka and soda in hand. Her lime slice pinched together, drained of juice, sunk at the bottom of her cup like a corpse. She sucked on her straw, making eye contact with Conner, who spoke few words but was obviously enjoying her attention.

Gross

I went to the restroom, a tarnished mirror and toilet in a puddle, strings of paper and refuse around it. I tip toed to the sink to reapply my sparkle gloss, and when I came back, Sasha and Conner were gone. Her glass on the bar, her truck missing from the lot.

B***h

"Hey, you need a ride?" Some guys getting into their van asked.

"I'm good" I said, but I had no idea what I was going to do

Awash in alcohol, I started walking. Heels too tall for a drunk girl's feet.
I carried them, looped around my wrist.
Sharp ground, a damp skin touch on asphalt. Past a construction site, hopping wobbly over patches of gravel.
I didn't know where I was.
Sasha didn't answer my calls.

3 am. Walking for an hour.
Scratched feet and bare legs, shaky in the cold.
Black dress.
Shining in the honey-glow lamps.
Glitter sparkles mimicking the sky.

Too far from home.

Clint answers my 2nd call. Sleepy voiced and frustrated. "Yvonne? It's the middle of the night"

"I'm lost" tears began to drip. "Sasha left the party without me"

A sad sigh, "Where are you?"

"Somewhere...I dunno. Union street?"

"S**t. Just stay there. I'll come get you"

A half hour later Clint found me under a streetlight. Sitting on a low wall. Numb toes swinging in the chill.

"She's a bad friend" he said as I got in his car. "She abandoned you"

"And she has my keys. I'm just lucky I had my phone with me"

"She's a vampire" he said "she sucks off your life to feed her own"

"I'm not the easiest person to live with either" I pouted. "I'm pissed, but she didnt mean anything by it, she probably just forgot"

"If you say so" Clint changed the subject, "are you hungry?"

"Always" I said, almost to myself.

"Let's get some late night tacos" He turned his champagne hue 4-door onto San Pablo Ave, past the discount market and a liquor store, hunting for the "roach coach"

Oakland looks different at night. The street lights shine golden on the city, laying shadows that obscure cracks and graffiti. It looks fake, an imitation of itself. Like a set built for a movie or an amusement park.

We found the truck.
Four soft tacos and two churros.

We parked under the near-day lights of the shopping center and ate. Greasy pork in wet chewy shreds and gummy cheese, wrapped in a stale-edged tortilla.

"Hot sauce?" Clint asked holding out a packet.

"No thanks." I knew I would purge and spicy food coming back up made an unpleasant experience worse.

"Aw, c'mon" he said, "It's 'atomic blast'" he shook the envelope at me.

I pushed his arm, "no way! You eat it"

Clint laughed his smokers wheeze and opened the plastic. I could smell it from the passenger seat.
Capsaicin tendrils, like wasps, hunting through the air for something to sting.
He squeezed a dollop onto his taco, winked at me and then took a bite.

Clint's face went pale, he coughed and his eyes began to water. Opening his door, he spit violently onto the ground, a gooey strand of half chewed meat hung and snapped as he coughed.
I leaned back in the chair, laughing. Finishing my second taco and reaching for the cinnamon and sugar crunch of the churro. Crispy shell around a cake tube. Ridges, like a metal garbage can.
I closed my eyes and took an enormous bite. I could feel Clint watching me with pity and just a soupçon of disapproval. He knew what I did with the food I ate.

When we got to his house Clint pretended not to hear me. Purging, bent over his toilet, magazines and cigarette ash, the disorder of a single man's bathroom.

"You sleep here" he said straightening out his bed. "I'll take the couch"
"Don't be silly"
Clint looked embarrassed. "I was trying to be gentlemanly" He got into the bed and tested the two pillows. Handing one to me, "here, this ones softer"
I snuggled up next to him. My head on his soft shoulder. "Tell me a bedtime story?"

"Once upon a time there was a bunny..."

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Sasha called me the next morning.
She had spent the night with Conner.

I was in Clint's bed. My dress a sweep of glitter over the sheets. I sat up, saw myself in the mirror, smudgy eyed corn-silk puppet.

My pink phone buzzed on the table.

"It happened" Sasha spit out before I could say hello. She squeaked with excitement, "I totally boned Conner last night"
I forgot my anger, "oh my god! Was it good?"

"It was amazing, where are you? Let's get coffee"

"At Clint's, my purse is still in your truck"

"Oops" she laughed. "I forgot"

"It's cool" I began searching for my shoes. "I'll meet you at Starboard's in like 5 minutes."

Clint had woken up, he shook his head, "She treats you like an abusuve boyfriend. You shouldn't keep forgiving her"

"She's my best friend" I said, buckling my gold plastic heels. "Anyway, thanks for letting me crash here. You're the best"
I gave Clint a quick cheek kiss and ran a clacking doe-skip run to go meet Sasha.

People stopped to watch us as we smoked and laughed and drank our coffee. People stared. They always stared. They assumed we were lovers.
The brave approached.
The "normal" guys would go to her.
The ones with something to prove came to me. It's as if they could taste something, a mad, spicy bite. Something they wanted to touch hard enough to bruise.

"So I drove Conner home, but then when we got there he kissed me." Sasha was talking fast, excited and short breathed. Jittery, over-tapping her cigarette ash she licked a drip of coffee of her cup. Her tongue a pink slug creeping up the paper
"It was so hot" she added, rolling her eyes and leaning her head back.
I sipped my non-fat vanilla latte, an ember of frustration smoldering. "And it didn't occur to you to come back and get me after you were finished?"
She sucked in a deep breath of smoke, "Oh, you were fine. Clint to the rescue as usual right?"

"Right" I said quietly.

If wasn't worth the argument. I knew Sasha well enough. If I pressed the issue she wouldn't speak to me until I apologized. And I knew, as justified as I felt in my current anger, that after a few hours of silence I would submit to her. I would accept responsibility because I couldn't live without her.

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I found a puppy on the train tracks walking back from Clint's house one day.
An orangy brown matt of fur. Running, terrified and alone. I chased him for half a mile before he tired out. He looked at me, wide dark eyes, stained fur around them. I picked him up with my jacket. He was cold and filthy. I wrapped him tightly and brought him home.
I named him "Diamond Dan"
I wiped him down with a warm cloth and have him some milk which he happily drank. Apricot fur white with the cream.

Sasha came home, "what stinks like wet dog?"

"Um... Wet dog" I answered. Holding Diamond Dan up for her to see.

"The f**k is that?" She demanded.

"It's a puppy, I found him on the train tracks. He's homeless. Look how cute he is. Do we have any meat?"

Sasha glared at me, "no way. Our lease says no pets"

"So" I said, "It also says no smoking but that doesn't seem to bother you"
I held the puppy up again wiggling him at her, "c'mon, he's so sweet. You'll love him"

Sasha walked past us without looking. "You can't afford a dog anyway. Take that dirt ball to a shelter"

I cuddled Diamond Dan to me and sat on my bed. Sasha was right, I couldn't afford him. I smeared away a tear and looked up the names of shelters.

I called. I brought him in. I said a tearful goodbye.

"I hear they euthanize all those mutts if they don't get adopted within like a week or something" Clint said over dinner. He had bought me fish and chips.

"They can't do that to him. He's so sweet"

Clint looked at me seriously, "millions of dogs every year. It's horrible. But it's true"

I started to cry, "why would you tell me that?"

Clint watched me, tears falling onto the battered fish. "I'm sorry" he said.

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I couldn't sleep that night. Thinking about Diamond Dan in the shelter.
Someone would adopt him.
Wouldn't they?
It's the pit bulls and chihuahuas that get euthanized mostly. Which is sad, but Dan should be ok, he looks like a mini golden retriever, I'm sure someone will rescue him.

I called the shelter the next morning asking about him, they put me on hold and I had to go to class before they came back. I decided he had been adopted and left it at that.

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