Rain

Dedicated to my friend. I hope you'll be able to feel him through this story.

Where am I? Where exactly was I going again? Step, another step... where are my feet taking me? Am I supposed to get somewhere? Oh look at the clouds! Aren't they beautiful... And sad. They definitely look sad. It will probably rain, won't it? And when they're angry, there's a thunderstorm! Ah... how silly. Clouds can't feel anything... Or can they? Yes? No? Will I ever know? Wait... Do I want to know? Do I want to know if clouds can suffer? If clouds are sad when it rains? What's making them sad? Am I making them sad? I don't want to make them sad! How could I! I'm so mean... Oh how silly am I! Silly, silly, silly! But I really don't want anyone... Oh look, that one looks like a book! Hmmm... Maybe a text book. Text book... wait, haven't we learned something about it? Learned... learned in school! Right! In school! I'm going to school! But why? Why am I going to school? Weren't I there yesterday? And the day before that? Why again? What happens in school that is so important? I used to know that... Oh well, it's probably something very important right? Why would I go there if it wasn't. Step. Step. My shoes are blue... they match the color of the clouds. Pretty. If I... no. I can't. I can't fly. But why? I really want to fly! I want to visit the clouds and ask them why are they so sad today. Visit the clouds... Oh right, I should visit Claudine today after school! She will be happy if I visit her. Happy, happy, happy! What a nice word! It has a nice sound to it! Claudine's laugh also has a nice sound! Just like happy! Maybe her laugh is also happy! But is Claudine laughing because her laugh is happy, or is her laugh happy because Claudine is happy? Oh! Another mystery! Mysteries are really mysterious... and odd. They just won't leave you alone. Like little kids, always demanding your attention! Or little puppies. Didn't Claudine had a puppy? A white one? Or was it gray? I know! It was the color of the sky today! Maybe it was sad as well... No! It wasn't sad! It was licking Claudine so happily and his bark was so cute! It wasn't sad. Wow would you look at that person. Right in front of my school. Oh right, there are many of people just like this one inside. And I'm always wondering... hipster or homeless? Hahaha! They are wearing the same clothes my grandma used to wear! Just that she didn't stink of cigarettes. She hated them. They ruin your life. They kill you. Slowly. Very slowly, so you don't even notice it. They're killing all of them, and they don't even know... or do they? Maybe this is why the clouds are sad today... Step. Step. Step. My steps sound so strange on those halls. I'm lucky. Lucky, lucky! Nobody's here yet! Nobody... Who is Nobody really? We keep mentioning him so often he's probably having one of his biggest hiccup attacks in his life! His whole life... Having a hiccup attack all your life! That's terrible! Is he suffering because of it? Maybe... Maybe Claudine knows! Claudine knows everything. Look at those white and yellow lockers. Yellow is the color of the sunny day. It's a happy color! Do they want us to be happy? To feel happy? That's so sweet of them! But... does that mean we wouldn't be happy unless the lockers are yellow? Would we be sad at school? Are we sad at school? Is happiness just an illusion of yellow lockers? Ah! Yellow is also a color of madness! But... what now? Do they want us mad? Are they making us mad? Are they mad? Are the lockers mad? Oh who knows... Claudine knows! Yes, Claudine knows... I really should visit Claudine. People are gathering. I guess the class is starting soon. Soon moon noon... I really should visit Claudine at noon. Or at full moon! Yes, we will watch full moon together! Claudine will love full moon. Hello, hey, hoy, heyla, morning... All those greetings mean nothing. They're just symbols. But what are they symbolizing? They probably don't know what else to say. They were thought that way and they will stick to it. Forever. They really don't like to think for themselves, do they? They say greetings symbolize respect... But they greet the teacher. And they don't respect the teacher. I know they don't. If they respected the teacher, they wouldn't talk behind his back, they wouldn't complain over his teaching, they wouldn't forget the homework. So they lie. Do they lie when they greet me? Why do I greet Claudine? How should I greet Claudine? I usually simply say: Claudine. And Claudine says my name. And this is our greeting, isn't it? I think our greeting is more respectful. I respect Claudine.... Talk, talk, so much noise and all those useless questions! It's not like they care anyway... Maybe this is why the clouds are sad today. The bell. I guess it's time to go in. Maybe today, the teacher will teach us something important. Something I could tell Claudine. All this talk, all this noise is making my mind buzz...

...

Why is the teacher so happy? Or better, why does he pretend he's so happy? Have the yellow lockers caused that? He just pretends... I can see it. He can fake it well, but I can see it. His eyes are the same color as the clouds today. He's sad. Why is he sad? Do I want to know? I really want to know... but it's none of my business. He wouldn't tell me anyway. He'd think It's fake, that I don't really care. But I don't want him to be sad. It hurts. It really hurts seeing this color in his eyes. I want to take it from him. If he's sad, it hurts me too, but if I'm sad, nobody will notice. I should be sad for him. But just me being sad won't help him. It won't solve his problem. He should be happy. No. That's not right. People should feel as they want to feel. They should live as they want to. Lockers can be mad or yellow, just as they want and the clouds can be sad. But... it hurts. Why are the clouds so sad today? Maybe I should ask the teacher. Not about clouds. I will ask about clouds but I will really ask about him. He'll understand. He smiled. But how can he say that the clouds are sad, because they see someone hurting? It hurts me seeing him sad. It doesn't make sense. It's just an endless cycle. Someone needs to stop. Maybe he'd be better if he talked to Claudine. But sadness can also help. It helps us connect, doesn't it? If I'm sad because of his sadness, we already share one thing, and we're staring to connect. Maybe if everyone cared, we would be like one. We would feel for each other. Oh how silly am I again. I should concentrate. But all those letters just don't make sense. There are so many symbols around us. Some people are talking. The teacher will get angry. Maybe that's good. He won't be sad anymore. But he'll shout. I don't like shouting. Claudine never shouts. Claudine is always nice to me. I should really visit Claudine. He really shouted. They are arguing. My head is buzzing again. If they would just stop. Be quiet. It's not that hard...

…

The bell again. It really has an awful sound. I guess I should go now. But where to? The school is over. Where am I supposed to go now? Do I really have to go somewhere? Everyone is laughing. Maybe the lockers really are happy. Maybe they are making them happy. But my locker is white. Almost white. It got little grayish. It's an old locker. Just as my grandma was. With the same grayish hair. Maybe the locker loves me just as my grandma used to. But the locker doesn't have feelings... I still shouldn't be too harsh with it. It might hurt it. The locker. Step, step, step, down the hall and outside again. It's cold. Did it get colder? I can feel the slight breeze on my neck. It's turning the leaves around. So many colors. Red, orange, yellow. Happy colorful leaves. Happy? Why would they be happy? They look happy but they will die, won't they? They've fallen off the tree, and now they are just toys of the wind. I guess at least the wind is happy. But who would know? Claudine will know! Yes, I should really visit Claudine. Maybe I should bring Claudine a leaf. This one? Or that one? There are so many colors! I can't decide! Wait... Why do I want to bring Claudine a leaf? Why would Claudine even want a leaf? How silly... But just maybe... no. Those leaves are flying in the wind so happily. Around and around they go, dancing and turning in the wind! The leaves are so free! But they will die. Will they? Maybe that's all just an illusion. I wish I could fly with them. Maybe I can try... no. I can't. It's impossible. Ah... But I want to dance with the leaves and play with the wind and ask the clouds, why are they so sad today. What's this noise? It's so close... someone's shouting. There's something red right in front me... So loud! Red means danger right? No... the leaves are happy, they aren't dangerous. But are they really happy? Oh! I fell. The ground is cold. The road is really gray. Even more than the sky. It hurts.. What hurts? Where hurts? Why does it hurt? I don't know. The tiers are black. Just as death. Black and boring. No. Black isn't boring, it's deep and mysterious. Claudine likes black. Oh! It started raining! The clouds are crying! What happened? No, they shouldn't cry. I should ask them what happened. It's raining. I feel so cold. It wasn't so cold before. I'm so sleepy. I don't want to sleep, I want to fly with the leaves and play with them and ask the clouds why are they crying... It's cold. I guess now it really is the time to visit Claudine...  

Author's Note

Sorry for the grammar issues. Please tell me if you liked it, or if you didn't and why. Thank you!

Reviews

[Dust That Drifts Throug..]

I feel like this story is the thoughts of a student that wants to visit Claudine.

[Lero Ro]

it is... a very confused and not really down to earth student. And Claudine is dead. sadly