On a Lonely Hill

On a lonely hill I stand
looking up into the sky
I remember the day
the ocean was on fire
with red flames in my eyes
and the breeze was freezing and strong.

On this lonely hill I stand
looking at the army standing ready
standing ready to attack
once I called them friends
now destined to fight
I know you for what you are

On this lonely hill I lay
huddled close to my only light
the red flames turned
to yellow then to black
I look at the few who are true
I hear the snakes at my back
Telling their lies
I ignore

On this lonely hill
if one of them who are true
should ever asked
for my life
I would look in eyes
filled with truth and say
Brothers you have my honor
Sisters you have my passion.

Reviews

[R J Askew]

This felt to me like a viking warrior standing there, perhaps about to go on some quest. Simultaneously full of doubts, yet still set to go forward come what may. The ocean on fire made me skip a few generations...the descendent of the viking is on a ship in the Pacific Ocean in 1944. I know it is probably meant to describe a personal struggle, feelings of betrayal and struggle, and integrity against the odds. I can't help thinking of vikings though and I now have Led Zeps 'Immigrant's Song' rolling round my head.

[Tuff Stuff]

I really liked this poem. I'm glad I got the chance to read it.
Keep writing!

[These Haunted Hallways]

I agree with Natalie on this as well. Beautifully stated, when speaking inside the firery ring of death. I really can see the images in this poem. It was brilliantly composed! I guess what really counted was that u spoke truthfully, and the devil probably spared you this one time or u had defeated it or somethin hehe. Great poem. It made me think. U should expand on it and turn it into a big story if ya like!

B.A.

[Laura Sparkle]

Oh i love this piece, it was wonderfully written! The shades of this poem are wonderful, so much can be contained in just a few stanzas. And the repetition of the lonely hill and all that it holds was really really interesting. I will definitely come back for more. Beautifully done! :)

[pal]

One still moment.. seeking the core.

lovely presentation.

pal

[Natalie C]

Your imagery - very vivid to say the least and I feel that is really does bring forth the dramatic impact you were trying to portray beautifully.

Loved the emphasis of the hill, it really captures the feeling that you are truly alone in your struggle, looking down on all the possibilities at hand, whether it may be good or bad. It feels like a soul searching piece where you as the main character is looking for that much needed answers among all the false pretenses that surrounded your life at that stage.

Ok I am rambling again, this really is a brilliant piece, and it does bring forth so many possibilities for every one that reads it!

[Pink Poison]

I love the imagery here. I especially like the last stanza and the lines "I hear the snakes at my back
Telling their lies I ignore" This is a great poem!