Wilderness

After a shaken quarrel with my grandfather, he became my inspiration. Here was this man who choose misery and solitude, for he lost his will to live.

The old man glared at the ceiling and silently wept. Self-pity and misery drowned his mind. A passionate lust once gleaming in his eyes, withered into nothingness. An existence, that climaxed an eternity ago, droned on. His purpose of living, deserted in the valleys of his psyche. The old man never blinked and never slept.

He lusted for the moment of his death.

A simple rotting bed was his sole livable terrain.

The wooden frame resembled used toothpicks, for bugs devoured it. The mattress contained his earthly treasures - which were nothing more than miscellaneous slips of paper, torn up. His blanket lightly draped across his shivering corpse. The old man's veiny hands grasped the blanket and entangled it. His blanket bared a familiar, comforting aroma. Its smooth texture brought a sense of nostalgia - a sense of something soothing and something he had lost far ago, he desired that sense more than he desired to live.

His cloudy eyes fell from the ceiling. Sight dashed from left to right to being fixated on a clock. 'Tick-tick' spoke the Clock. The old man turned away. 

"TICK-TICK" the Clock voiced his frustration. The old man ignored the beckoning of the Clock with all his decaying might. 

"TICK-TICK-TICK-TICK" now barked the red-faced Clock.

"... please... leave me be..."

"... please..."

Author's Note

I haven't had the heart to finish this because my inspiration passed away recently. The last time we had spoke was three years ago.

Reviews

[Karen Arizona]

Madeleine, my condolences to you, for the loss of your grandfather, and I hope you find peace. The words you have written in 'Wilderness' are quite fascinating to read. The entire poem creates a vivid visual of the man you call "grandfather." The words I read pull at my heartstrings and I feel badly for the "old man," badly for his life choices of misery, and badly for you as a writer who suffers from loss. Thank you for sharing. You are most definitely a creative writer.

[Colton Warr]

Madeleine, I am sorry to hear of your grandfathers passing recently, I hope you are coping with it as best you can. I know that it can be hard. Dealing with the loss of a loved one can put us into our own sort of cloud of misery. I thought this was really well done though. I love your writing style, I love the words you use and I love the way you construct a scene. I believe you have the makings of a fantastic writer. Again, my condolences to you and your family for your loss. I pray you guys get through this and grow stronger. I look forward to reading more of your work.

[The Twin Arenas]

sad one. we'll all be there one day, too.

"decaying might" is nice.

[John Alexander McFadyen]

Another sad piece. I realise you have not finished it and hope you are coping with the loss of your grandfather. Once again you set the scene well in this dramatic story and it stands as is. Some editing will improve it all the more. One typo I think; 'lost far ago' should be 'lost long ago'?

[Madeleine Acton]

Though I do feel a sense of loss, it is very bittersweet. It is sad he has left this world, but he will finally be at peace - his energy will finally be floating through the atmosphere with the one he loves. He had been miserable for years. And thank you for the constructive criticism! This piece is still incredibly raw and, without a doubt, needs major refining.