Life's Painting

You want my life to be a painting, but how can I paint when every time I get something down on paper, right before I get the finest of details sketched, I have to erase its existence from the canvas? I can't paint with an eraser. My canvas is grey from past sketches and new ones aren't as bright or visible. I don't draw details anymore. Just blobs of grey, morphing into the background like ghosts trying to call me in toward their smeared lead centers. Soon to be replaced and erased and erased and erased. I don't know how long my canvas will hold up before the surface is so stained, and my eraser is no longer anything but a nub, that it is nothing but black. A giant hole in the center where I fell through.

Reviews

[Carrie.]

A few things, the block of text approach makes it hard to know how you want this poem read. It makes my mind read it as a rant or a diary entry, fast and without inflection.
"Erased, Erased, Erased." beautiful.
In the last bit, you wrote "nothing but" twice, it felt redundant and didn't add anything to the piece.

-Carrie.

[Emily Leonard]

I did mean it to be read as more of a rant. I definitely agree, it's rough. My ranting pieces usually aren't edited as well as my other work. I write what immediately comes to my head, which may or may not sound the best rhythmically. Still fun to write :) thank you for taking the time to read and review it!

[Carrie.]

I believe that style of writing is called "Stream of consciousness" which I love but don't emulate...because the one time I tried to in my diary...I looked like a crazy person in the end of it. My conscious is better left unstreamed, lol.

[Markoo]

This won't be a constructive review. I think it's an awesome piece and I like that you kept it in block form. It's clear and powerful in imagery and succinct.

[Emily Leonard]

Thank you!! :) I really appreciate your comment