The Storm

It is about one man that over came what he had to.

                There was a feeling that Tom had when he went into the woods, it was as someone was watching him. Tom looked around but saw nothing. He did not know if was a person or some kind of animal that was out there in the snow. It was a feeling that Tom never liked to have that was not to know what was going to happen next. The feeling seemed to get stronger, Tom keep to the tree line so if this person wanted to kill him it would be hard. It was something that Tom had learned when he was in the Army. He thought that what he had been taught he would never use in the real world. Now Tom knew that was not the truth for what he had learned in the Army might just save his life. That was when he felt something go by his face. He knew that there was someone out there that wanted him dead but who? All Tom knew was that he had to get away from this guy then Tom thought that he was not going to run away , for that was something that he had been doing all of his life. He knew that he might be killed but it was the risk that he had to take.

                  So he got out his rifle and looked though the scope to see if he could find the one that was shooting at him. Tom saw near a crump of bushes that there was some movement , he knew that there was no animals out here that could make that kind of movement. Then Tom just waited for who ever to shoot one more time, so Tom threw a rock to see it this person would take the bait. As he did he looked to see where the shooter would be, as he threw the rock who ever took the bait and Tom found where the person was and shot back. Tom waited for what seemed like for ever then he went over. There he saw a man that that seemed to have been paid, all the stuff he had was brand new. It was just that he did not know how to kill a person in the snow.

                  Tom knew who it was that was the one that was behind all of this and why. Tammy Frog was a lady that was Tom`s boss , before Tom left she did not like that very much so she had someone to kill Tom . What she did not know was that Tom was very well trained to deal with many things in battle. That the guy that she sent was no match for Tom he was to good and killing a sniper . Tom went to Tammy told her that if any thing like this happens again  that he was coming for her. It was a message that came though very clear and she knew that he said he would do.

Reviews

[Mark Marcus]

Hello Leo,

This piece is off to a good start.

Your idea, that is to say, what you are trying to convey, comes through very clearly however I suggest that you fill in a little more detail in order to enhance the picture you are painting in the reader’s mind.

As the story currently reads, the audience is forced to make many assumptions that may or may not be correct.

Finally, consider making greater use of pronouns such as the word “he”.

As I said, you’re off to a good start. Keep going.

Mark