Don't Rain on the Zombie Parade

A funny story I wrote for English class.

                I had never really thought about being a zombie killer before last Friday. I always thought that there was no way zombies existed. They didn’t, though, at the time-not till my sick, twisted science teacher created them. It all started a little bit like this…

“BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! CRUNCH!”

I smashed my god-awful annoying alarm clock with my clenched fist. Rubbing the sleep out of my eyes, I slid out of bed and slipped on my vivid red and white cheerleading uniform.

“Juliet!” My mom called. “Breakfast is ready! It’s your favorite-blueberry scones!” I ran a brush through my long golden hair and pulled it into a ponytail with a sparkly pink scrunchie.

                “Good morning, mom,” I said as I bounced into the kitchen.

        I grabbed a plateful of delicious scones. I dumped half a bottle of honey on them and wolfed them down.       

        “BEEP-BEEP!” My boyfriend, James, pulls up in the driveway in his fire-engine-red Volkswagen Beetle.

                “Love you, mom-gotta go!” I snatched up my Hello Kitty backpack, slipped on my new white tennis shoes, and rushed out the door.

                “Bye, sweetie! Have a nice day!” Mom called.

                I hopped in the front seat of the car and kissed James’ check.

                “Hey, Jules,” he smiled, and backed out of the driveway.

                We discussed the upcoming football game and our piles of science homework from our mean teacher, Mr. Ludenbrechersteinenheimer. No one knew how to pronounce his name, so we all just called him Mr. L.

                When we arrived at school, James walked me to my locker and kissed me before he went to his locker. “See you in homeroom,” he murmured, walked off.

   

       James is totally awesome.We met the day he transferred here, to Rivertown High School. All of the girls saw him confusedly stumble around the hallways and reflexively sighed. He had dark, curly hair and dark eyebrows. His sparkly ice-blue eyes were full of adorableness and intelligence. His bottom lip glinted with a silver lip ring. And the way he grinned bashfully to show his perfect white teeth could make any girl scream.

                It turns out he was in my homeroom, and my science class. All of the girls in homeroom huddled into a shy, giggling mass-except for me.

                “Hey,” I said, “What’s your name?”

                “James,” He said. His deep voice sounded like an angel.      

                “I’m Juliet.” I said, hypnotized. “Do you want me to show you around so you, um, know your way around the school? I know I was confused when I first got here…” I babbled. He gently cut me off and smiled.

                “Sure-that’d be great.” I melt into a puddle on the floor.

                Trying to regain composure, I take his hand. “Come on. I’ll show you the science classroom.”

                Oddly enough, that’s where it happened-five months later. James had asked me to the prom, and we had been going steady for four months. It was Friday, just after lunch, and everyone was tired. Some were snoozing, some playing on their phones. No one suspected that half of them would be undead in a matter of minutes.

                “Attention students!” Mr. L walked in the room. He’s about 50, but he looks older. His once-black hair is nearly all gray. His forehead is wrinkled with stress. But he still manages to terrorize his students on a daily basis.

                “Students,” he said. “Today we are going to perform a little…ah…experiment.” He whipped a sheet off of a table in the back that no one had noticed 2 seconds earlier. Underneath was a delicate-looking series of glass tubes and vials where Mr. L had apparently been mixing some sort of liquid. The odd thing about all of the glass, though, was that it was all crystal. Everything was so sparkly, it almost looked like diamonds. Hmm, I thought.

                “What I have here for you today,” Mr. L said, “is a miracle drink. It will cure any ailments and make you 100% smarter. Now, who wants to try some?” He grabbed a crystal (diamond?) beaker full of an oozy, color-changing liquid, and poured it into the pitcher. He filled up a cup and held it out. “Anyone? Anyone?”

        I was skeptical about the whole “miracle drink” thing, but some of the football players stood up. “Sure,” they guffawed. “Maybe it will help me ace that math test today!” Their girlfriends unsuspectingly bounced to the front of the room. “Sure,” they giggled. “Whatever.”

                But James and I were smarter than that. We knew something fishy was going on. And I was still suspicious of those beakers.

                “Mr. L? Sir?” I raised my hand. “What are those beakers made out of?”

                He smiled. “Good question, Juliet! These beakers are made out of 100% diamond. Aren’t they beautiful?” He held an empty one up to the light. It sparkled beautifully.

                “Umm…Why are you using diamond beakers?” I asked.

        “To put it simply, my dear,” he said condescendingly, “Regular glass would melt if this particular liquid were to touch it. This concoction is very unusual.” He grinned. He looked almost evil in the haze of the fluorescent ceiling lights.

        This didn't seem to worry the jocks, though. They gulped down the liquid and grimaced. Their ditzy girlfriends pinched their noses and swallowed some too. Instantly, their features changed.

        Their eyes dulled and their backs hunched. Out of their mouths came bone-shuddering groans. Their skin turned to the color of ash.

        “Hey, man…Are you all right?” A guy in my class named John asked nervously to one of them. The zombie lunged and bit him on the arm.

        John let out a bloodcurdling scream, which soon changed to a groan. He had become one of them-without even drinking the liquid. Anyone who was bitten became one, too.

        I realized this with sudden horror as the remaining survivors-there were only ten-ran out of the room. Mr. L. began to laugh an evil, disgusting laugh.

        “Yes,” he said. “I have done it! I have created….ZOMBIES!!!”

        I had no time to think. Mr. L. was laughing maniacally now. The group of jock zombies was shuffling toward me. I looked around to see if there was anything within reach that would help me. James! Where was James?

        “Watch out!” James pulled me out of the room, roundhouse kicking a zombie on the way. Mr. L. grabbed the door before it shut, holding a piece of rotting flesh.

        “Here, zombie! Here, zombie zombie zombie!” He chuckled, waving the putrid chunk around.

        “You’re despicable.” I spat. The zombies were getting used to walking on their thick, numb legs and trotted towards Mr. L. None of the surrounding classrooms had any idea what was going on-until Mr. L. threw open the doors and threw in pieces of flesh for the zombies to follow.

        The zombies raced after the meals, getting sidetracked and biting students on the way. They screamed and then groaned, and the few smart enough to get away were shrieking hysterically. I watched as friends were mauled and turned into living corpses. James tried to pull me away but I broke free of his arms and lashed out at Mr. L.

        “What are you doing?! What is your problem?! Why are you doing this to innocent people?!” I yelled. I had begun to feel this was all a bad dream. Mr. L. was contaminating each classroom with zombies, and James and I could do nothing about it.

        “Because, my dear,” Mr. L. hissed. I looked closely at his eyes and saw the rage, the hatred, the sorrow. A vein bulged in his forehead. “For too long, no one has cared. No one has cared about my discoveries, my teachings. Not even my name.” He thundered. “And now they will pay. Now they will ALL pay!!” He started to cackle. He looked like a mad scientist straight out of a horror movie.

        “Come on, let’s get outta here.” James grabbed my hand. I was in a daze. I pinched myself with a blind hope.

        “Ouch!” I said. James stopped “Oh, no. Did one of them get you?” He moaned.

        “No, I’m okay. I’m just kind of worried.” I said.

        “Everything will be okay, Jules. I promise.” He kissed my head and took my hand. I was reassured immensely.

         We came to the doors of the library. “This place should be safe enough,” He whispered to me.

We creaked open the doors and walked into the silent library. The silence wasn’t unusual since the library is always quiet, but the librarian wasn’t there I wondered if the zombies had gotten her.

        I looked around the library. “Hey, James, look!” I pointed to a corner of the library where they were doing construction. “Weapons!” I snatched up a chainsaw.

        “Good idea. We might need that soon.” James said.

Suddenly, a group of zombies burst into the room. “Don’t worry. I got this.” I said, and pulled the cord on my chainsaw.

The zombies came in closer and I swung my chainsaw. Their torsos fell from their legs and landed on the ground in a bloody, gruesome pile.

“I guess we needed that chainsaw sooner than I thought!” James laughed.

“We better call the police.” I said. I walked over to the library desk and picked up the phone. I dialed 911.

“Um, hey-this is Juliet Starling.” I said.

“911, what’s your emergency?” A calm female voice spoke to me.

“Well-my school is kind of under attack by zombies.” I said.

“I’m sorry. Is this a prank?” The woman said.

“No! It’s real! I had to kill a few with a chainsaw and everything!” I cried.

The lady hung up on me.

“Great. Just great.” I moaned. “She hung up!”

“Well, the story is pretty unbelievable.” James said sympathetically.

        I sighed. “Well, we should try and make it out of the school. Find someone who can help us.”

        “Good idea.” James replied. We slung our backpacks over our shoulders and I grabbed my chainsaw. We crept out of the library and tiptoed down the halls.

        “Zombies on your left!” James shouted. I revved up my chainsaw and cut the zombies in half. Their guts squirted everywhere and fell to the ground.

        I stood there panting. “Let’s go.” I said. James followed me to the front door of the school. We burst out and spotted Mr. L. trying to escape.

        “Halt, in the name of justice!” I cried.

        “What?” Said James. I shrugged.

        Mr. L. turned around. “What do you want?” He said.

        “For you to go to jail!” I cried. Mr. L. pulled a gun out of his jacket.

        “No way, Jose. Stop, or I’ll shoot.” He said menacingly.

        “Oh, man. What do we do now?” James whispered frantically.

        “We’ll figure something out.” I said. I hoped what I said was true.

        Suddenly, a crowd of zombies shuffled out of the school. I recognized some of the ones I had cut in half. They had managed to stick themselves back together. They shuffled forward, moaning and groaning.

        “Oh, no.” I said.

        “Wait, watch!” Exclaimed James. I looked up and saw the zombies walking past us, heading straight for Mr. L.

        “Stay back, zombies!” Mr. L. poked his gun in the direction of the slowly approaching zombies.

        The sky darkened. I heard a crack of thunder and rain crashed down. Everyone was immediately soaked. Suddenly, the zombies started changing-again.

        Their skin turned back to normal and their eyes sparkled with life. They looked confusedly around. “What just happened?” They said.

        Mr. L. stared at them in shock. The heavy rain trickled down his face like tears. “No! My creations! My revenge! It’s all gone!” He wailed. The rain slowed down and became a light drizzle. The sun popped back out and created a beautiful rainbow against the drizzly blue sky.

        He held up his gun and aimed it at my head. “You will still pay,” he said. He was almost foaming at the mouth. He put his finger on the trigger.

        “Not so fast,” Said a police officer.

Behind us was the entire police force, watching the entire scene. A cop cuffed Mr. L. “You are under arrest for the attempted murder of Juliet Starling and…ah…trying to turn everyone into zombies. You have the right to remain silent. Everything you say can and will be held against you.” he shoved him in the back of the police car.

        “What’s going on?” I was really confused.

        “Your 911 call did not go unnoticed. Sandra, the woman you were speaking to you, felt something suspicious was happening so she sent me over. When I saw what was going on I called the entire force for backup. But it looks like the rain took care of it,” he smiled.

        “Yeah, that’s really weird.” I said. I took James’ hand and walked around, talking to all of my friends. They were really traumatized from turning into zombies and back again. I apologized to the ones that I had cut in half. Soon I saw my mom and dad pull up in our van.

        “Jules! Are you okay?” they called.

        “Yeah, I’m fine,” I smiled. “Let’s go home.”

        I’ll never forget the crazy, zombie-filled adventure I had that day. I know now that if any zombies come back to town, I’ll be able to handle it. 

Reviews

[Dean Kuch®]

This was great! A very campy tribute to the horror genre and zombies in particular. I gotta' admit, when I happened across the title, I was a bit tentative about reading it...but I'm very glad, now, that I did! It has great characters (don't know why, but I really liked Mr. L. I suppose there's no accounting for"taste", huh? I know; shamless little pun there!), it is well written and has an entertaining flair to it, akin to R.L. Stein's GOOSEBUMPS series.
Well done and bravo!