Ivy

Finding something from the past

My eyes' soften to the blur of colors

She wore as she spun and twisted around

As if she was hanging on a string

She danced

Somehow her hips wrote a story

Telling everyone about her life

In 30 words or less

The men cheer

Oh how they scream

Her name as she crawls to them

Ivy, they said her name was

I am absolutely sure, that it wasn't Ivy.

She was a grade under me in Oakwood High

Rumors about her and teacher Larence Charles

Went around and her, herself had disappeared

But now I see her dance here every night

At a club called "Call Me Not's"

It's a place you don't expect to see uper class here

And I am a different story

And not sure if she ever found that love note I stuck in her locker

Those odd some years ago

But if she keeps on dancing,I'll keep on comin'

Reviews

[Larissa G.]

"She danced

Somehow her hips wrote a story" could be combined with a semi-colon; right now the first bit is hanging by itself out of place. And I'm noticing your dislike for stanza breaks, but use them. Please do. It separates the poem out and makes it easier to find the transitions between bits.

"Went around and her, herself had disappeared" - pretty sure this wasn't what you meant. It didn't read properly to me.

Also - drop a hint earlier about the narrator's feelings; it feels too suddenly introduced, especially at the ending which is supposed to be the summary and conclusion.