Abyss

forsaken in the abyss of affection

she was forced to endure the pain of being loved

each caress left scars

upon her drowning soul.

 

her heart so fragile

was broken countless times

And no matter how he molded it

It deepened the flaw

 

her anguish reached into the beyond

and her heart yielded to despair

she mourns for her soul

buried in the abyss of his affections

 

 

 

May 20, 2012

Reviews

[Victorious]

Dear lei,

Wow, I think I'll take the time to dissect the piece. The title made me think this was going to be something depressing or overly dramatic. I mean it is dramatic, but the diction and syntax has told an interesting dramatic tale.

The first stanza begins and pleasantly surprises me by how something that's connoted so beautifully has fallen to a negative connotation. It's a paradox or is it called an oxymoron that I find quite refreshing! I am told of someone, a girl who is the object in this piece is smothered in something she is not familiar with. The wording was in line especially the second line, "she was forced to endure the pain of being loved." It creates a kind of back story. This line, I would have liked to see expanded, "each caress left scars," unless that's supposed to entail abuse- yeah if so, then its good as it is. I liked the drowning soul though it's a pretty big cliche. It's nicely used here, though.

The second stanza.....hmmmmm....I liked the flow of it, just wish there was more detail around the first two lines. It's good as it is, because the last two lines justifies it finely. In fact, it was one of my favorite lines.

Finally, I analyze the last stanza. I found it overly dark, and lost flavor to me when I read the line "and her heart yielded to despair." It was just too dark for me, but I loved the last line cause once again, it tells a really intriguing story. The concept of the poem is unique and I liked it.

Thanks for sharing!

Sincerely Victorious

God bless you!

[Cassidy Jeanette Jacobs]

It's bitter sweet and darkly beautiful. I love it. I love the sad theme and emotion behind it. I also love the phrasing. Wonderful poem.

[Xhiljola]

"she was forced to endure the pain of being loved"

you got me hooked

[WhiteWillow]

A poem of pain and loss, yet, I feel like it can be interpreted many ways within this framework. Heartwrenchingly beautiful.

[Leslie Philibert]

Well written, very dramatic poem that convines.

[Shy Girl]

Oh dear...she became swallowed up in him so much she lost herself...and then the very thing that kept her above water...just became a vortex of dread and heartache. (if I read that right) Goodness such pain and loneliness... a very touching poem...very true as well. Goodness I can feel this one in my chest... I'm only hoping that somebody tossed her a life line and pulled her to the saftey of their understanding embrace. :)

[R J Askew]

I love this line, 'forced to endure the pain of being loved' and like the notion of the loved one being lost in her lover's abyss. Maybe that is how it is when we become so closely entangled with another. But we have to. And when it goes wrong we do it again and again.

[Donald Cole]

i really am at a loss for words. i really like this, and it hurts and it beautiful and i feel like i should write this review with all the words running together.....
drawn into a love that is better to live without. hmmmm
nice write Lei. Now i'll have to go meditate for this stirs my soul, another piece of me....
thank you
always,
Don

[Allen Smuckler]

Don't let that Eagle soar away...All you past loves and hurts are just that ...past...
Let them go and enjoy the newness and excitement of the possible Mr. right.
The one who finally lives and loves you unconditionally...without expectations and boundaries...
Learn from the past, live in the present and look toward the future....Do not live in the past.
This was a powerfully moving piece lei, told with honesty and depth. You expressed everything we needed to know, to experience what you're going through in a concise, readable form.
Well done
allen

[bill]

A beautiful and wrenching description of the ambivalence of love. Great job, lei.