Sunburn

I wrote this while listening to "sunburn" by ed sheeran. I seriously have no idea if this is good or not since i wrote this while i was half asleep and my teenage hormones were acting up.

You are like a sunburn

You were unexpected. I didn’t know on that day I would get hurt. I was just trying to be happy and admire what was around me.

Whether it be you or the sun, one leaving a burn inside of me, the other outside.

I didn’t know it would hurt so much. I didn’t know it would hurt to sleep, hurt to have no help from anyone else. They were the protected ones. They were smarter.

We don’t have any aloe vera in my house, but we do have painkillers.

But I’m not sure which of these i’m taking it for.

Author's Note

what do you guys think?

Reviews

[Nerf]

I like the concept, I love the thought process.. it's a good poem. I just think the presentation needs work, It's a solid poem but the way the lines are presented makes it feel lazy and doesn't do it justice.
I'm sunburnt too in more ways than one, so I can relate.

[Anna]

thanks for the critique. yeah i was about half asleep when i wrote this so that really is a contribution to the "feeling lazy" part lol

[Nerf]

heh makes sense you're really talented for your age keep at it you'll be a poet of your times.

[Anna]

thank you so much! i would like to view your writing, but alas i am not 18.

[Nerf]

I'll send you s friend request I think that should fix it