"I Wish Someone ..."

i wish someone would've warned me that death & love lost were one in the same .
that how in just an instant, the person you loved could be there one moment ... & gone the next .

i wish someone would've told me that no matter how much i try to hide it, the pain would seep through my pores like the last breathe seeps through the mouth

how i wish someone would've told me, prepared me for loss, so that when it happened i wouldn't feel as if an entire glass house has shattered around me & maybe just maybe .. i contributed the rock .

i wish someone could've prepared me for the heartbreak,
the literal feeling of your body shutting down as you try mentally to shut out

the emotions you try to bury six feet under just like them & how just like them ... you lie motionless & cold

i wish someone told me "it's gonna be ok" BEFORE my keen peaches went sour so that maybe i would've enjoyed the fruits of my labor more .
appreciated the time instead of the moment , or maybe the moment instead of the time .

i wish someone would've warned me about all the confusion i'd feel ..
"why'd you leave me ?"
"was it something i said?"
"was it something i'd done?"
.... or was it something i didn't do ..
for you, i would've done it all ..
except answer that phone call at 9:56pm because the conversation prior left me temporarily hating you for hurting my feelings ...

& now i have to live with the permanent decision that we are dead
to one another .

& through all the wishing, what i wish the most is that you were still here
through the arguments, fights, laughs & good times, i just wish you were present to enjoy the gift of hugging you just one last time
so that in my mind, you will would always be mine .

i wish i would've known,
but now ..
you've been warned .