Torn Apart

"My Lovely Daughter"

Those were the words

her innocent heart craved for.

 

But instead, they heartlessly showered

bitter words. Bitter words that gave

her raining tears.

 

Raining tears which drained into her

empty soul. Her empty soul that got

trapped into her uncertain mind.

 

An uncertain mind unable to control

her desperate body. A desperate body

longing for a genuine love.

 

"My Lovely Daughter"

Three simple words!

How could the human mind be so hostile?

Thank you for your time!

      

©Fanatical Dreamer

Author's Note

Reviews

[Tex]

Oh you have outdone yourself here my dear friend. This is a remarkable write.

100/100

this fits hand in glove with my "Quiet Reflection" which could be seen as written by the same daughter from your piece here, in later life.

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

Thank you!

[sithlordjp]

A tug of war between heart, body and soul... And yet, being left with tears... By ending this powerful piece with a question, you make us think, and we carry your words long after we're done reading. Well done...

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

Thank you!

[Be myself!]

I love the emotions. Well written.

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

Thank you!

[Be myself!]

Your welcome!

[xXChanceXx]

Wow. I love the emotion in this. It's very relateable to a lot of people and makes me feel a lot of emotion because it's very relateable to me personally. Wonderful write.

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

Thank you!

[xXChanceXx]

Your welcome.

[Anna]

A cruel story presented so beautifully. Love the circle

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

Thank you!

[~Poetik Bliss~]

I love this one, makes u feel the emotion from start to finish and your flow was excellent.

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

Thank you cuz!

[Jack...]

Very lovely and the message is clear as a bell. Nice write.

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

Thank you!

[David Scott]

I liked this write very much.
Two things felt out of place though...
First, the title. "This Child"? Or "Her Heart"? Or "Your Child"? IDK... Just give it some thought.
Secondly, the last line. You do not need to say this so bluntly. It makes the reader defensive or more guarded by the accusatory tone.
Try something like, "Salvation bought at such low price", or "Healing still can sound with voice", etc... Just more like the other stanza's
I only give this advice because I think this write could be do very meaningful.
Thank you for sharing.
Be well.

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

"I only give this advice because I think this write could be do very meaningful." Thank you lots would give it some thought

[David Scott]

Ha. Typo... "could 'be' meaningful". Sorry...

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

lol thanks again for the constructive comment ^_^

[Khloevhr]

Very much relatable and the reality, the venom is sometimes so bitter, we must medicate. Many children may have hope for these words, maybe they heard them said to a sibling. It might not seem hostile to the parent...If that is their nature, what is the definition of hostility? Families should have peace, love, acknowledgement for each other, acceptance, and hugs. Several hands to grab the Kleenex and wipe one another's tears away, for the most part for their offspring. Is it that the parents think it, ...the child the cause of the stress in their life, maybe that is why they haven't said it?! Great Write! :)

[Khloevhr]

What I had meant by "medicate" is anything that helps: may it be as simple as writing.

["Fanatical Dreamer"]

"It might not seem hostile to the parent...If that is their nature" Thank you I agree,as much as I know David Scott meant good.