Beast

The path was steep and covered in rocks that cut through my boots.  It twisted and turned across the face of the mountain like the devil’s own staircase.  As I climbed, I could see the trees coming to an end, being replaced by hardy mountain shrubs with grasping branches that tore my clothes.  Every movement blurred into another.  My entire body was focused on putting one foot in front of the other.  There was no room for the conflicting thoughts of the night before.  Ren did not watch me climb, yet he seemed to know instinctively when to put a hand behind him to help me over a rough spot.  I grew tired and short of breath, but we did not stop moving.  I was sweating and hot, but we did not pass a stream where I could wash my face.  I concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other, giving myself small goals to achieve.
“One more step.  Make it to that rise.  Climb over this rock.”  I muttered to myself as I climbed.  If I looked behind, I could see the valley, stretching out behind me like a huge verdant bowl.  I would have enjoyed the view if my back wasn’t aching and my head wasn’t pounding.
At the very moment I decided I could not go any further, Ren spoke.  “We will rest here.”  A trickle of water splashed down the face of the rock and gathered momentarily in a small hollow, barely larger than a puddle.  It was the most delicious thing I had ever tasted.  It washed away the taste of the dust, and I had never felt anything so heavenly as the feeling of that water on my face.
I sat by that pool, trailing my fingers in the trickling stream.  I relaxed, listening to the birds sing and the sound of the water.  My heart was full of the bittersweet joy of being with Ren.  I looked over at him often.  Always, he turned his head away, but I knew he was watching me too.  I wondered why he was so afraid to get close to me, but nothing could overshadow my happiness at being by his side once again.  Gradually, as we sat by the peaceful pool, he would return my gazes for longer.  Once a ghost of his old smile seemed to creep into his face for just an instant.  He could feel it too, the magic tranquility of the place that, for a little while, allowed him to be what he had once been.
Ren let me rest there for half an hour or more, long enough for a cloud to cover the bright sun.  It was cold up on the mountain without the sun to warm me and I began to shiver.  Wisps of fog began threading their way across the ground.  Abruptly, the birds stopped singing.  Ren stood quickly, all the tension back in his lithe body. 
“I am sorry, Elyssa.  We cannot stay here any longer.”  He grasped my hand and pulled me to my feet and we started out upward at double the pace.  The air had changed completely.  It wasn’t just colder, it had grown thick with tension, as if it was waiting for something momentous to happen.
I heard it, growing in the air around us, slowly building to bone breaking intensity.  A cry echoed among the mountain peaks, entirely different from anything I had ever heard.  It was clear and loud and strong, almost musical, hypnotic in its power and terrifying to hear.
“Run!”  Ren cried.  “You must keep moving, no matter what happens.”  His face was unguarded once again.  This time, I saw fear.  I took a few quick steps, then realized he wasn’t following me.  I opened my mouth to argue but I saw the look I had often seen as a young girl, a look of bull-headed stubbornness that let me know he was not changing his mind.
I turned  to run away, but the cry from the mountains grew clearer and higher, breathtaking in its majesty and I found my feet moving slower and slower.  I slowed to a walk, then to a crawl and finally stopped moving entirely.  I felt myself inexplicably drawn back to where Ren stood, his knife out, looking every inch the noble hero, prepared to do battle for his lady.
All I could hear was that wonderful noise and all desire to flee left me and I returned to stand by Ren so we could meet our glorious, horrible destiny together.
“No Elyssa! This is what it wants.  Don’t come any closer.”  Ren yelled, frantically waving for me to flee.  I could not leave.  I was hooked now and I had to see this through to the end, to our end.
There was a great rush of wind and the sound of the flapping of monstrous wings, and a hideous creature landed in our path.  It was black and cobbled together from the rejected bits of other animals.  It smelled of rotting flesh and its eyes were the sickly colour of gangrene.  Its tattered wings folded against its side and finally I could see that its mouth was open and from it poured the glorious song, strong and unearthly, like a choir of Angels.
Finally, it paused, standing still before us, silent, but its voice still hanging ghostlike in the air.  The enchantment that had held me was finally broken and I could see the horror of the monster before me.  I couldn’t scream.
Ren shoved me to the ground behind him.  I hit hard, my wrist twisting beneath me.  I ignored the pain.  Ren stood over me, holding his knife up against the razor sharp claws and teeth of the creature.
It hissed and stepped toward him.  I could hardly breathe.  The beast darted toward him.  Ren stood his ground, slashing at the creature’s eyes.  It recoiled away from him, screaming harshly.  Gone was the angelic face that had held us in our place, replaced by the voice of a demon from the depths of hell.  It leapt into the air, hovering for a moment like a spectre, then dove at Ren.  His glittering knife was like a toothpick against a spear.  The beast ignored it and went for his arm, grasping it with its cruel claws and trying to take him away with it. 
Ren flung his arm around a nearby tree and held on for dear life as the beast took off.  I could see the claws beginning to tear his flesh, streams of blood beginning to trickle down his arm.  He screamed then and I screamed with him, imagining the pain he was going through.  I could not lie there and do nothing while Ren was torn away from me, not again.
I flung myself forward, no plan but to make the creature fight for his prey.  I grasped its wing and that is when I saw it, just as I had seen Ren’s pain.  I saw the creature’s pride, it’s cruel hunger and it’s will to live and just like I had taken Ren’s pain, I took it away.
The creature immediately landed on the ground, releasing Ren, and stood there docilely, waiting complacently for whatever might happen.  Ren wasted no time and stabbed it through the heart.  Its blood gushed down its chest as the light left its eyes and it gave up its life without a fight.  There was no frenzied grasping to stop the bleeding, or convulsions as the body fought to keep the spirit within, just a resigned folding of the wings as it waited and welcomed death.
I had never felt so alive.  Every sense was awake.  I could smell its warm blood still gushing from the gaping wound and the sweeter sccent of Ren’s blood still dripping down his arm.  I felt a nagging ache in my wrist but ignored it.  I had survived a creature whose will was greater than my own and I felt drunk with my success. 
As the last of the sun disappeared behind the mountain, I stood tall and victorious, just waiting for another battle, so I could taste the sweet elixir of victory.
“We should stay here tonight.”  Ren spoke from the twilight.
I agreed and lay down immediately.  My dreams were vivid that night.  I dreamed of a powerful hunger, a consuming thirst.  I dreamed I went to the creature’s body, eating and drinking until they both were sated.  I could feel the flesh torn by my teeth and the sweet thickness of the blood sliding down my throat.  I was in ecstasy, the victor of the battle and the claimer of the spoils.
I woke to Ren’s voice.  “Elyssa?  What have you done?”  I looked at my hands, bloodstained and filthy, then at the carcass of the beast, picked clean during the night and I knew I had not been dreaming.
 

Reviews

[Lorelee Tate]

These chapters continue to improve! My comments for the last chapter still apply here, but I have only one more suggestion for this one.

I noticed that there wasn't a great deal of variation between the lengths of the different sentences. It's easy not to notice this while writing, but it sticks out when reading. I noticed it especially in the first paragraph and sporadically throughout the rest of the chapter. Just try rewriting some of the sentences to help the writing flow a little better and it should be fine.

I found the ending of this chapter very engrossing. This is the kind of thing that makes me want to keep going when I'm reading a book. Well done!

[Katherine Hall]

Strong chapter. I love the description of the beast.
Be careful of casual language like "I was hooked"--it seems out of place with the rest of the writing.
How did the narrator stop the creature? Did she break its wing? She took it's 'pride' I see, and it suddenly became docile and easy to kill. What was its pride? Was it some tangible thing that Elyssa actually 'took'? Or did she, by grabbing it and preventing it from flying away, break its spell? Describing that scene more thoroughly will definitely help, I think.
~Katherine

[Victoria Harlequin]

Oh woah... That was a rather unexpected ending. Haha. This was still very good though, great job!

[Martina]

Ew! That was creepy and gross but soooooo good! Why did Elyssa eat the beats? What made her do that? FANTASTIC THOUGH!