Awakening

I was floating, drifting away on a sea of pain.  I wish I had something to cling to, even a little bit of earth or a log, to keep the world from rushing away.  Perhaps then the water would stop trading places with the sky and the dreadful heat that filled my bones would die away.  I could not remember my name, my purpose or who I was supposed to be, only that I was deliriously happy.  I had done something great, I didn’t know why or for whom, but I had changed someone’s life and I didn’t care about the price I had paid.
Finally, I felt breath returning to my lungs and I began to cool down.  The world stopped spinning and awareness began to return.
“Well done,” I heard the voice of the Tayre once more.  “You have passed this test.  You will need every bit of your great love to face what is ahead.  You have proved that you will die for Ren and you may need to prove it again.  I have managed to heal you once more.  It may not work a third time.  I have given you what strength I can to face what lies ahead.  Have courage, you do not stand alone.  Now awake!  Ren is waiting for you.”
I opened my eyes slowly, waiting for the cobwebs to clear.  Everything was dark and blurry at first, but Ren’s face began to materialize from the haze.  His face was haggard with worry and recent illness, but it was the most beautiful sight I had ever seen in my life.  His face lit up as he saw me wake, then indifference dropped over his face like a curtain.
“You should not have done that.  I am not worth it.”  He reached out his hand to pull me to my feet.  I was shaky, but once I stood, I managed to remain standing.  “Can you walk?  We must leave this place.”
I realized I was stronger than I first expected and followed him as he walked back to the mountain.  We reached the same sheer cliff face.  Ren turned right and walked on, watching the wall face for a place to climb.  He did not speak a single word, did not look back, just kept on at the same pace.  I was hurt.  I was tired and thirsty and I was beginning to get a headache, but I followed in silence, fearing that he resented me and would hate me even more if I suggested slowing the pace.
Sometimes, I wondered why I had wanted to save him so much.  I had nearly given everything for him and he seemed to hate me for it, yet I could remember that one moment of boundless joy that I had seen when I first awoke.  I treasured it, pulling it out of my memory and going over and over it like a well worn and much loved picture.  I remembered that he had once loved me and it was enough to keep me following him, even though his silence made me want to scream.
We walked for hours and night began to fall, once more plunging us into the world of nightmare.  Here, in the shadow of the mountain, darkness was a prowling beast, seeking those who braved the loneliness of the forest, waiting to devour any bit of life that dared to face it.  All along, the unbroken line of the formidable cliff hung over us. 
The last light of the day mustered together to fight against the shadow and with its dying breath, it showed us the way, a steep rocky path that zigged and zagged across the mountain face.  It would be treacherous, but I hoped it would finally lead me to my brother.
“We camp here.  We will climb again with the light.”  Ren spoke his first words in hours.  “Try to sleep.”
He lit a fire at the base of the mountain and its warmth brought hope and life to me again.  I lay down as close as I could without scorching my clothing.  I closed my eyes and tried to sleep, but I was so exhausted that it hurt to close my eyes, and my brain was too alive with thoughts, fears and dreams to allow me to relax.  Every time my eyes popped open, I saw Ren’s eyes on my face.  His eyes looked black and mysterious in the light of the fire and I wish I could tell what he was thinking.  He made no move to speak, just sat there across from me, face like a stone and body like a statue.
I tossed and turned for a while, unable to get comfortable.  The ground was hard and I wished I had a blanket, yet I had spent many nights on the ground without a fire.  I could not figure out why it was so hard for me to sleep until I realized what was missing.   I had remembered what it felt like to be held by the dark and brooding man that sat across from me, and now that I recalled how beautiful it had been, I could not sleep without it.
The fire crackled, but I could still hear him breathing.  The air smelled of cold forest and our tiny fire, but I could still pick out his essence from the air around me.  It felt so good to breath in his scent once again.  For one crazy moment, I wished he was still unconscious so I could put my arms around him again.
I forced myself to close my eyes and began to slow my breathing, trying to imagine myself melting into the forest floor, and wondering if perhaps he was remembering too, if he was wishing for a night in my arms.  I inwardly cursed myself for my desires.  I was in this forest because I wanted my brother back.  Yet I knew I could not deny that I loved Ren with every fibre of my being.  I worried about the mountain.  Who knew what dangers we would face.  The trail seemed difficult enough.  I slowly blocked every thought, leaving only the one that mattered most, my longing for his touch and finally I could feel myself drifting off.
I heard a noise from the other side of the fire, but could no longer open my eyes.   Ren’s smell grew stronger and once again I felt his warmth against my back and his arms wrapped around me.  I felt his lips on the top of my head and I could hear his heart beating.  I fell asleep almost instantly.
I woke to find Ren standing silently looking at the mountain, the light had returned.  I stood and walked toward him.  He turned to look at me and I searched for some warmth in his eyes, he just gazed at me the same way he had done all along.
“Let’s climb,”  He spoke and turning began to tackle the mountain.
 

Reviews

[Katherine Hall]

Hmmm, definitely one of the strongest chapters so far. I would like to see a little less time devoted to the narrator's thoughts and interiority. While a lot of this story is indeed told in her own head, and through her eyes, if we spend all our time inside her head, the storyline slows down.
Beware "dark and brooding" anything! There are many ways to describe someone, but this one is unfortunately badly overused.
I am a bit confused as to why the narrator keeps wondering why she saved Ren--she makes it sound as if she's not aware she loves him, or that said love isn't enough. Also, even though the goal of her being in the woods seems to be finding Ezra, she only mentions in in passing. Her entire presence in the woods will be a lot more believable if we see her motive more fiercely--she really, REALLY wants her brother back. A half-hearted 'oh yeah, I need to rescue him' doesn't seem enough to spur her deeper into enemy territory.
Good work, keep it up!
~Katherine

[Twilight]

A wonderfully dream-like and atmospheric chapter, Leah! It is laced with foreboding, and your storyline remains strong! It was interesting, how you suggested the conflict, between the protagonist's quest to find her brother, and the desire she feels for Ren (her lover). Also, you have managed to make your protagonist seem very real to the reader, through your regular references to her thoughts and feelings. Keep writing, and feel free to add more of your work, to the "Beyond Fantasy" Group or "Twilight's Disciples" (my own Group)!

[Lorelee Tate]

I liked this chapter better than the last one, but I still have a few suggestions.

I thought that some of the dialogue sounded a little stilted, mainly because it sounded a bit too proper. It's one thing for a king to say 'should not', 'cannot', 'will not,' and another thing entirely for a shepherd. Try reading it out loud and thinking about whether or not this particular character would say something in this particular way. Old advice to you, I'm sure, but it's still the best way to tell.

I really only have one other suggestion. I thought that some of the sentences here were a bit too lengthy for easy digestion. Sentences like, "I was tired and thirsty and I was beginning to get a headache, but I followed in silence, fearing that he resented me and would hate me even more if I suggested slowing the pace," are almost too long. I think it might be a good idea to break some of them up. Try to see how many ideas a sentence covers and how many times the word 'and' is used.

Still, overall a very good chapter! I'll move on to the next one right now!

[An owl on the moon]

So beautiful and vivid, the people, the world, the sights, and sounds, and scents! So well done!

[Leah C]

What's with Ren, when Elyssa is not noticing (sleeping) Ren seems to come out of his dark shell and shows how much he loves Elyssa but when she wakes he's back again to that dark man, why is that? Will you tell us in the next chapters? Fantastic write though :)

Leah (same names lol)

[Martina]

PLZ WRITE MORE LEAH OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG LOVED IT SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO MUCH PLZ READ IT AND I SENT YOU A READ REQUEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG OMG SOOOO GOOD PLZ WRITE MORE