How Does it Begin?

How does it begin?

With a fleeting glance,

A surreptitious smile?

Do you seek me out?

Do I wait for you to find me,

Or should I take my chances

On chasing once again?

I never wanted to be the hunter,

I am worth more than that,

But if I don't follow you

Will you turn and see me

Standing here,

Waiting for your touch

And longing for the love of a lifetime?

 

How does it end?

In a blaze of sparks

As misbegotten passions collide

And extinguish each other

After the blaze of their meeting?

Or does it slowly fade

Into the background,

My heart slowly dying,

As your picture dissolves?

 

Or will the blaze in my heart

Set your passions aflame?

Can we be those legendary lovers

That history acclaims?

Or shall we two,

Drifting apart,

Never know what might have been?

 

So, tell me, should I wait

For your mouth to cover mine?

For my senses to reel

As our bodies intertwine?

Or tell me truly, is it time

To be giving up on you?

Reviews

[Solst Rapture]

There's some wonderful imagery here, '...In a blaze of sparks...'

Otherwise, your language creates images without trying too hard, '...Or does it slowly fade/ Into the background,/My heart slowly dying,/As your picture dissolves?'

I enjoyed the questioning narrator, and the volt in the end, 'Or tell me truly, is it time/To be giving up on you?'

I'm asking myself if it is condensed enough? Are you familiar with the the Sonnet? Your poem wants to be one, it is the right subject matter and really could pull it off...I know many people are not for form but sometimes it makes a poem that is a little unruly look far sharper. Here, for example there's no consistency in stanza length. While blank verse is as reputable as any other form, those that write good blank verse do have an understanding for the mechanics of linguistics. Don't get me wrong, I'm only just learning, but I can see this poem working wonderfully as a Sonnet. That's just my humble Artistic opinion.

However, I did enjoy it as it is. I relate to it, though not for the love of a person but for the love of Nature/Beauty - how can I capture it in writing...or should I be giving up on you?

Lovely stuff, and I hope you've received me well.

Take care.

[Martina]

Loved it but some of the lines didn't flow into the next, some didn't rhyme but not all poems are rhyming ones! Good though.

[Floornine]

I love this concept, of not knowing how it with happen, knowing that anything could happen and because of that, not knowing how to push that first domino in the set. This is something I think everyone experieces, and you captured it beautifully in your own words.

[Dominique]

gosh i love this...you have exppressed something universal...that anyone anywhere could relate with i believe...though some maybe do not have this sort of struggle either because they are very assertive or they simply dont care...lol...you are good....hmm...i ejoyed this a lot...

[Brjden (Bridge-Den) Cre..]

Very innocently confusing through the subject. I think it's great.

[AMetaphoricalSoul]

all I can say is wow! like... amazing!

[Marissa]

beautifully written and a great poem. i enjoyed reading it very much

[Kaitlin W. Blaylock]

awww...very sweet. You really embodied the truth of what every human soul cries for from conception to the dying breath. Great read

[An owl on the moon]

Perfect. You capture the essence of what nearly every soul on earth has struggled with or is struggling with. The wanting but not knowing, the hoping but fearing, the having but questioning... Amazing piece of art and life.

Craig

[Aldora Sparrow]

Very nice as usual! Short and concise. So many feelings expressed in few words.....it's something I have trouble with. Very nice! Keep going! Fight!