Chapter 2

    Moonstone stepped through the door to begin the training. She would try to convince the woman that El was not god and that following him did no good. She came to begin the brainwash, but the room was empty. She rushed to the very centre of the room. To a strange, raised, blue tile, with an image of an eye set deep within it. She kneeled beside it, and touched it to her forehead. She waited for the location of the sacrifice. Her mind was blank, and she could not find her.
    "The Nameless One, my master, show me where she is." Still, the image did not come. She cursed in frustration and gave up.
    " If I ever find her, all that are closest to her will die. She herself will be made to give up all in service to The Nameless One." She grated through clenched teeth.
    But as Moonstone sat there, an image came to her mind. She saw the temple as it had been. A symbol of comfort and love, but she knew that El would never forgive her for what she had done. She hated The Nameless One, but could never be strong enough to escape him. She put her head down on her knees and cried.

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    Bryn and Micaela headed home. They had to live in hiding because Moonstone lost no opportunity to kill El's followers. When they got to Micaela's house, the only one there was A young man named Grant, Micaela's Fiancé. She walked straight to him, and collapsed in his arms, weeping.
    At twenty, he was two years older then she was. They had only been engaged for two months. Grant had thought it was all over when she had disappeared three days ago. He thanked El for sending her back to him safely.
    "My most precious darling, I thought you were gone forever." He whispered into her ear, as he stood with his arms around her. " I love you."
    " I do too, more then I can tell." Micaela said through her tears.
    " What happened to you? We searched everywhere and could not find you. Are you all right?" He asked.
    "Garnet and I were walking through the woods. I felt a cold chill, we felt something was wrong, and we were just about to come back here, when everything went black. I woke up and found myself in the midst of the ceremony. It is something that I wish I could forget. You should have seen her, Grant. She was so beautiful as she died, and so brave, I never could have done what she did. I hope nothing like that ever happens to me again." She snuggled closer to him. "What are Qua and Dia going to say? She was their only child, and now she is dead. How am I going to tell Faren? They were to be married in two days. I worry about him. She brought him back from the brink of insanity. She is the reason he is alive today. He will probably never get over it. This used to be a country built on a foundation of love, and now it is built on the poured out blood of its people." She was sobbing, sobbing for the life that used to be. "Oh Grant, why is life so cruel?" She cried.
    " I don't know, my love. I would keep it from you if I could. El will help us bear it." Then they prayed that a new day would dawn, and that light would shine in the hearts of the people.
    Micaela's parents walked in the door, their faces relaxed in relief as they saw her in Grant's arms. They motioned Grant over, and whispered something in his ear. He walked over to her. Micaela wondered at the look on his face.
    "Micaela, you don't have to worry about Faren any more. He was thrown from his horse as he was searching for you. He is dead. He died at the same time as the sacrifice would have taken place. As he was dying, he said ‘El, receive my spirit.' Then, with his last breath, we heard him say ‘Garnet? You? Here?'. They have not been separated."
    Micaela yawned then.
    "Oh, my love. You're tired from your ordeal. You need some sleep. Don't worry about Garnet or Faren. They are truly happy now."
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    Micaela fell into her bed and was asleep as soon as her head hit the pillow. She began to dream.
    Micaela heard crying. The sound of it was heart rending.
    " What is wrong?" She called.
    "The people have turned away from their saviour. You must help them turn to the one who loves him eternally."
    "What can I do, I cannot convince the people of this. El, how can I do this if I do not know how."
    "Moonstone can, and will help you. You must go and tell her ‘All is forgiven, the love can be returned.' She may prove to be your greatest ally in this spiritual war. You are not alone. I have chosen four to help you, but remember, I will always be with you."
    Micaela woke suddenly as the dream vanished. "Moonstone? The key? I can't believe it. How am I supposed to find these other four who will help me?" She saw it was only a little time til morning, so she got up and got breakfast ready for her and her parents. Around eight o'clock, Grant walked into the room.
    "Morning Sweetheart, I had the craziest dream last night. It was talking about Moonstone being a great ally, and four helpers to show the people the love of El. I don't know whether it was real or what. It all seems so implausible. It was so weird, but I guess El could do it." Micaela watched him in open mouthed amazement.
    "Okay, this is weird. I had the same dream. I guess you must be one of the helpers. I wonder if all the helpers will show up here or if we will have to go looking for them. I would have no idea where to go first."
    "At least we are in this together. I would hate to have to go on a long dangerous journey, never knowing if I might see you again. We might have to go looking for the others though. Maybe at noon we should go to Zama and see if we can find them. Say, doesn't Bryn usually come to breakfast here? Where is she?" Grant asked quickly, not leaving enough time for Micaela to answer his questions.
     "I agree, yes she does, I don't know." She answered teasingly.
    "What did I say again? I forgot!" He said embarrassed.
    "You weirdo, just remember. I'm not going to tell you." She glanced up at him playfully. He couldn't resist and he pulled her to him for a kiss.
    Bryn walked in the door in her pajamas. "What's for . . .  Whoa! Am I interrupting something? I'll leave and come back in an hour or two." she said, yawning.
    Grant's face turned red "Sorry about that Bryn. Just catching up a little. We haven't been together since yesterday afternoon, after all! Ain't that right, Babe?"
    " Grant, I will never speak to you again!"Micaela said dangerously
    "What did I say? She just asked me to plant some more sugar on those lips. Of course Honey." He grabbed her and kissed her again.
    "Okay you guys, knock off the funny stuff. I came over here to tell you something." Bryn said.
    "I thought it was to eat breakfast." Grant teased.
    "Well that too, but it was mostly to tell you about this dream I had. It was unbelievable. I will never forget it as long as I live!" She paused dramatically.
    "So tell us already. Do you think we have all day?" Grant said impatiently.
    "Moonstone will be our greatest ally in this spiritual war. I must show the people that El still loves them. I will have four helpers as I go to do this mission. Satisfied?" She said, casting a dirty look at Grant. She looked at Grant for his reaction, and was met with an open mouthed stare.
    "What? Do I have bad breath? Did my amazing wit finally become too much for you? Or even more amazing, did you finally figure out that I am not a weirdo from planet Such-And-Such, but a person like you?"
    Grant ignored her."That's amazing, the same dream. We are two of the people in the dream. We are going to Zama this afternoon to look for the other two. Probably around noon. Unless its Midnight, We can't be sure when there is no sun to tell time by. Y'know?" Grant mused. He was interrupted by a knock on the door. Bryn went to get it. She came back in with a boy and a girl, the boy looked to be about fifteen, and the girl, about three years younger. They had not seen either of them before.
    "Hello" Said the boy. "My name is Aidan, and this is my twin sister Samara. We saw this place in a dream. El told us to come here to this house. What could we do but obey? I am assuming you know what I am talking about, so I will not waste time in telling you. But we should start our mission as soon as possible."
    "Wow, we were going to go looking for you this afternoon, but I guess it isn't necessary anymore. My name is Bryn, this is Grant and Micaela, his fiancé. When should we go?"
    "As soon as possible, I don't know how much time we have now." Aidan said. "We have no time to waste."

Author's Note

Again, I have not revised this in several years. I am trying to revive something that is very old.

Reviews

[Lorelee Tate]

I'm being honest when I say that the first chapter was better. There's potential here, but it definitely needs some work.

I liked the first section, the one with Moonstone. It brought a bit of depth to her, which I found refreshing after seeing her painted as a villain in the last chapter. I was hoping for something like this and I'm very glad that it's here. I hope there's more of this later on.

The rest of the chapter wasn't quite as good, unfortunately. Again, there was a lack of description. Ages aren't really enough. I know plenty of twenty-year-olds, and not one of them looks exactly alike. I'm sure that part of this has to do with the age of the writing.

Okay, now on to the dialogue. In all honesty, I thought the dialogue was a little tacky. All right, more than a little. I got the sense that this story takes place in a somewhat medieval setting, but the dialogue was not even remotely medieval. It sounded more like modern teenagers being silly. I'm not saying to burst out with Shakespeare, but something a bit more... mature would seem more accurate.

I liked the dream (I have a bit of a soft spot for dreams), but I did think it needed a little work. It seemed a bit short to me. I think a bit of physical description might make it more poignant. Perhaps Micaela sees the ruined temple, with the marble columns cracking and covered in dust and the altar smashed to the ground. (Obviously, just hypothetical.) The same goes for Moonstone's vision.

My biggest problem with the dream wasn't the dream itself, but rather the aftermath of it. Everything seemed to happen so conveniently. Micaela has the dream, and conveniently two of the other people she's supposed to find are right there. And, even more conveniently, two others show up of their own accord, or partially of their own accord. That's just not realistic.

I hope you find this helpful, and that you don't take this too seriously. I respect your willingness to put something several years old up online for everyone to see. Having read some of your other writing, I know it has improved.