Hair

I am more than my hair, I say to him.
Defiant, biting my lip, tears seeping up over my eyelid.
He laughs and runs his hands up and down
this braid,
sticking on the taut threads
heavy on my neck,
pulling my scalp until it prickles.
Let down your hair, he says.
And I do.

Each twilight he comes calling, pulls and climbs
riding the notches as if they were made
just for his feet.

They weren’t
They aren’t. I think
I’m tired of you fat Prince.
Your louche watery blue eyes
and moist palms, pawing at the waist of my dress.
I can tell you had onions for dinner.

You make me sick, Prince.
You say we’ll ride away together.
But when?
Tomorrow will you tell your father about me?

At night I dream.

I take up these pretty ribbons you gave me:
scarlet, cerulean.
The color of your lies.
Snip, snip.

I roll the maiden’s pearls against my ankle, my heel
milky, opaque.
A gift that didn’t replace what you stole.
Crunch.

I run my own fingers
over my flesh.
Vermilion droplets
spring up after the blade passes.

I would happily cut you out of my heart
Leaving a precisely-carved,
Prince-shaped hole.
its emptiness shining.

I would sever the memory of my love.
A razor’s edge
to snap at the strands.
This one won’t stick, won’t stain my mind.

In the dim, dirty light before dawn I pull my sewing shears out
and saw roughly through the plait.
The weight, a wormy mass of kinks and curls, falls to the stones.
I stare at it for a few minutes
My scalp tingling with the memory of gravity like an amputee

Let down your hair, he says.
Tonight I won’t.

Reviews

[JohnL]

I haven't attempted to read into this any political or sexist intent but simply read it for its 'updated fairy tale' character and have really enjoyed it as such. Strange, I always thought princes were handsome, blonde and with blue eyes but this one is identified by weight, moistness and halitosis. As for the hair, "Well cut", I say. I love this portion:

'a wormy mass of kinks and curls, falls to the stones.
I stare at it for a few minutes
My scalp tingling with the memory of gravity like an amputee

Let down your hair, he says.
Tonight I won't.'

or perhaps: "Tonight, I can't," She says,
Truthfully!

Real enjoyment, Thank you.
JohnL

[Blackbirdsong]

Oh I remember this! So good to see one of my old favorites back up. You know in some weird way this deletion was a good thing in that I have seen so many pieces that others have written that I have loved. It's like seeing old friends again. Hey Rapunzel....how ya doin' girl?

[Troilus]

Angela Carter's book, "The Bloody Chamber" is a great source for rewriting fairy tales. I have based a short story called "Anabelle's Honor" on the Beauty and the Beast theme from her book. Perhaps I'll post it tonight. To the critique, now: I think you would gain more energy in this poem if you changed the line "Prince-shaped hole" to "prince-shaped hole," and I think that the last line falls short of concluding the poem. Perhaps, "Tonight, I already have" would be a more energetic ending, or something similar. The modernization of the poem is very telling in the line "Tomorrow will you tell you father about me?" All in all, a good attempt at retelling the story, but I know you can do it better in subtle ways . . . A writer of your calibre needs a challenge.

[C. Harter Amos]

LOL. You go, Repunzel! This was priceless: "In the dim, dirty light before dawn I pull my sewing shears out and saw roughly through the plait. The weight, a wormy mass of kinks and curls, falls to the stones. I stare at it for a few minutes My scalp tingling with the memory of gravity like an amputee" Well written modern slant on the old story. -Mimi.

[Jake Svercek]

I know there is nothing funny about this poem, but the mental image that kept showing up was Prince "Charming" in the third Shrek (if you get the chance, don't want the movie--it's idiotic)--he kept on trying to replay the fairy take of Rapunzel, and, wow, it must have been the most idiotic highlight of the movie. (Anything that parodies my favourite story--the tragedy of King Arthur--in any sense and especially with Justin Timberlake has lost all, if not more than all, of my respect.)

Anyway, this is another great take off a fairy tale--clearly there are more sides to the story. I myself always thought it odd that he climbed up on her hair. It's a messed-up fantasy, and the metaphor here is awesome. However, I feel as if you're dealing with two completely different things--that Rapunzel hates the Prince's little games and that she...loves him?

I mean, it's not even a juxtaposition that you can compare. I don't see how the two relate. In a stream-of-consciousness way, it's effective (because how many of us are logical anyway?), but it gives the poem this abrupt shift at the middle. Conflicting feelings, perhaps?

The reference to a "fat Prince" is a nice touch (he may or may not be fat--I think it would be better otherwise, but her own perception lends to that illusion of heaviness) though the image is rather distasteful. What can I say? One does not often find fatness in fairy tales, and I'm too much of a romantic.

[Bex]

Ooh I dig this! I think what I like most about it is, I have a feeling if Rapunzel was written in modern times, that's what its gist would be. Back then, Rapunzel was a fairytale because the fairytale of that time was possible: rich men marrying women and saving them from the entrapment poverty. Now as a growing collective mind, we want more complex fairytales, and we realize it isn't likely at all (or perhaps one gender is lagging in making it possible). So the new fairytale is independence from some convoluted social-sexist expectation and having to endure onion breath. Seriously.

Otherwise, great imagery, and I think this line has the perfect amount of impact from its contrast and simplicity:

"I�m tired of you fat Prince."

I think the end is slightly anti-climactic. Maybe it serves a purpose I have yet to perceive though and if so, maybe you wouldn't mind letting me in on it.

[Roy L. Pickering Jr.]

This is quite the revisionist telling of a classic fairy tale, expressed with gorgeous language and biting tone. I'm intrigued by your idea to reinterpret stories we've all learned in childhood from a more modern and feminist point of view. In the wrong hands it would simply be male bashing with familiar characters on stage, but in hands as obviously skilled as your own it makes for powerful, eloquent, insightful prose.

[Bubo]

Love this!!Not a classic fairy tale, but one with depth and feeling .........some lines had me laughing aloud!!

They weren�t
They aren�t. I think
I�m tired of you fat Prince.
Your louche watery blue eyes
and moist palms, pawing at the waist of my dress.
I can tell you had onions for dinner.

Wonderful written tale............

[Blackbirdsong]

Oh my god girl, this is excellent!!!!!

I'm just sitting here smiling because this is so good. Any thoughts of doing a collection of these? Would be great with illustrations for each poem. Just an idea.

I think I've dated this guy:

"Each twilight he comes calling, pulls and climbs
riding the notches as if they were made
just for his feet."

Yup definitely:

"They weren�t
They aren�t. I think
I�m tired of you fat Prince.
Your louche watery blue eyes
and moist palms, pawing at the waist of my dress.
I can tell you had onions for dinner."

Onions for dinner, brilliant.

I'm sure every woman who reads this will give you kudos upon kudos. The men should just get on their knees and worship you with chocolate, and praise of course. :)

[Anna Peckinpah]

this is just absolutely stunning work!!! u evoke such feelings of empathy for this "Rapunzel", trapped in the cycle of enslaved bribery and favors, being forced to give to him, that which no one save her true Knight should have
and the use of "vermillion drops after the blades pass..." just perfect and i can see the pain
EXCELLENT!!!!