The 3rd murderer Part one

A Story by Lacy Dawn

I was sitting reading a magazine when I heard the phone ring. I closed my magazine and laid it on the table beside me. I got up and strolled to the phone. I have no husband or anyone important that would call so I wasn't worried if I missed it. When I finally reached the phone I looked at the number. The number was 333-333-3333. That's creepy. I answered it and heard a man with a very deep voice. " Get me 3,000 dollars and leave it in the bushes at the Korr Park and i will spare your daughters life," The scary man on the phone told me.

I rolled my eyes and chuckled under my breath. "Mom, help give him the money!" I heard a girl's voice yell on the phone.

Then I laughed out loud. I hung up the phone. Everyone knows that Lilly Darton has no family. I sat back down in my chair and picked up the magazine again. I read something about murderers calling people with the number 333-333-3333. Then I heard the phone ring again. I sighed and got back up. This time I walked faster. The number was 333-333-3333. I quickly picked up the phone. "STOP CALLING ME FOR I HAVE NO FAMILY!" I screamed into the phone.

Then I heard a gunshot in the back ground. Then he laughed in a crazy way. Then another gunshot went off. He laughed again. I was scared. Three more shots three more crazy laughs. Then he picked up the phone and stuttered with is creepy voice, " I just kil-lled the mayy-or of your tow-wn and four other peo-ople on YOUR stre-ee-t.".

Thats when i dropped the phone and ran to my bedroom. I got a blue bag and packed five water bottles,seven sandwiches, 3 candy bars,five pairs of clothing,and a pillow and a blanket in it. I zipped to the basement door. I opened it up and walked down the stair that lead to the basement. I hurriedly grabbed the dangling wire and shut the door. I walked to the dryer and laid a blanket on it. I sat on top of it and ate a candy bar. I am a nervous eater. Then I could hear the front door open. Good thing my basement door was hidden under the floor under the stool. So I was surely safe. But when I heard the foot steps in the kitchen I ran to lock the door. When I heard the click I ran back to the dryer. I remembered that I have a phone in the basement. I grabbed the phone and dialed 911 on the dusty number buttons. " Hello, 911 whats your emergency? " I heard a crackly voice on the phone ask.

" Hi, there is a murder in my house, " I whispered urgently.

" Yes, where are you at? " The crackly voice asked me through the phone.

" I'm in the basement, its under the the stool under the floor," I replied in a airy voice.

Then I heard a laugh. " You fool, I am the murder! " I heard a different crackly voice yell.

I screamed so loud I think the people in Rome could hear me. I live in Arizona. I panic and fell over. I banged my head on the ground. It hurt and made a pain sensation in my head. Then I was knocked out. Then I heard the door shaking. Then I heard somebody picking the lock. Then I heard it slowly creak open.

GET READY FOR PART TWO!

© 2013 Lacy Dawn

Author's Note

ignore grammar problems

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Reviews

byPatKeegan

It's got a good start. I think what's missing, and perhaps why some of the readers below did not connect, was the thoughts of your character. Many people who write first person do a good job telling the reader what the character is does, what others do, what's going on in the scene, etc. but forget about the number one thing we need to create identification, which is the thoughts of the character.

The character is obviously having emotions running through her brain considering the very scary circumstances/environment, so she MUST be thinking many different things throughout. I think you can build more tension by giving us more emotion from her, and the way to do that is through her thoughts...