I am Nature

I am Nature in butterflies' wings.

Author's Note

This was the original one,

I am not fixed,
why do you rush,
determined to rule out?


I am the Nature,
a flap of the butterfly's wings,
a wave shakes the Universe!

2008.03.29, 12:47:17 am, Sat.

Reviews

[Nay]

When I read, I focus less on what I think the other person is trying to convey and more on the vision the words will give me. I can't know what the writer is thinking, but I know what I interpret.

In this, I see the chaos theory--a butterfly's wings/wave shaking the Universe. The speaker's words tell me to stop looking for reasons why why why; the reason is everything, all things. To find peace in the chaos, to be still though time never stops moving, things never stop changing.

Because I read with a subjective eye, I tend to overlook some things in other people's phrasing or imagery that I might not use in my own style. I did not struggle to find my own meaning from your writing, so I don't find a need to critique the way you put the piece together. If I apply my method of writing to it, I would put a period at the end of the first sentences in each stanza, then capitalize the first letter in both stanza's second lines. That is simply a difference in style, though, not an actual correction.

I think the first reviewer you've quoted in your notes just has a different taste in style; they admit to preferring "prose" styled poetry. That's more of a narrative style. You and I seem better suited to the shorter, personal voice. Prose relies heavily on the usual rules of writing; I prefer to use poetry as a place to play with, if not break, the rules a little--challenge the reader, though hopefully not confuse them. It's a fine line, but I think you've done well with this piece. It's up the reader to find their own meaning.

[waywithwords]

I think the way that you wrote this lovely poem was to convey nature and the environment. In poetry you can use any words and convey anything to your own liking my friend. I think this poem is well constructed to what you thought and felt at the time of writing it. I really enjoyed it. Annexxx

[Silvia - Scribo, Ergo S..]

Love it! ... Both traditional and fresh. xxx