If you know where to look

If you know where to look

 

“Lenna?”

 

A voice inquires from near the entrance of the clinic where, just over 2 hours ago, Lenna had entered, armed with her ID, a wallet, cell phone, a sweater, and a white envelope. The envelope reads, in light pink cursive script, All Women’s Health Center. It had been sitting on her kitchen table since last Wednesday afternoon, when Lenna first laid back onto the examining table at All Women’s, inhaling deeply, feet in stirrups. The nurse had deftly slid the speculum between Lenna’s thighs on her exhalation.  

*

It’s very tiny, but there it is. Do you want to see it? The nurse pauses. Before Lenna can formulate a response, the nurse has turned the monitor screen to the examining table where Lenna lay, legs splayed wide, and is now pointing to a sea of grey shadows surrounding a tiny, tear-shaped black dot. The milky way, her boyfriend would later connote. Lenna gazes at the dot, awaiting her own reaction.

 

Did she want the original picture, a woman in the payment office minutes later asks. Yes. The woman places the picture in Lenna’s hands.  She leaves the clinic, stumbling into the bright and hot afternoon, holding the only picture that anyone will ever take of her phantom baby. A tourist in a foreign country clutching a cheap souvenir, Lenna thinks to herself. Vulgar analogy.

*

Lenna carefully stores the sonogram in the white envelope for safe keeping until the following Saturday morning, when she will return to the clinic once more to see the doctor. On weekday evenings following her initial visit, Lenna comes directly home from work and consumes a haphazardly assembled meal. As she chews, her eyes scan and search the small milky way, as if reason somehow lurks there within its woolly grey shadows.

 

*

 

Outside the clinic, protestors carry on in the ubiquitous way that is to be expected of middle class, Caucasian religious fundamentalists. A male protestor on the opposite side of the street catches Lenna’s eye. He stands alone, with a large neon sign that reads, “I support reproductive freedom.”

*

In the days that follow the procedure, Lenna tries to fill her empty uterus with food. She has not felt true hunger in over a week. She experiences pangs of surprise when hot tears well in her eyes after a stranger sternly tells her that the line is over here, and again when a light bulb in her bathroom suddenly flickers out. She googles images of late term abortions and studies the bloody, partially born forms as a voyeur would digest his unwitting prey. She feels nothing.

 

She closes her eyes and pictures the sea. Quiet, except for the lulling roar of waves and the distant sound of cheerful voices. Her feet, warm on pink sand, draw closer to the bright blue body. She edges further down the shore to where the hot powdery sand turns to a firm cool mush. Crashing water with the occasional strand of seaweed explodes around her calves as she walks on. Further, still, until the sparkling blue water dances around her neck. The current moves her body deeper; until she is looking up through a warped glass ceiling. Inhaling its rich atmosphere, Lenna releases control of all four limbs. Eyebrows soften; eyes flutter; lips part. Just before the answers come, the waves overtake her.

 

 

 

 

 

Reviews

[Gaston Villanueva]

Very well done, Lauren
This piece was filled with great details and maintained a gripping tone through its entirety

"A tourist in a foreign country clutching a cheap souvenir, Lenna thinks to herself. Vulgar analogy."

Great job and I'm looking forward to more!

[Ren Vaughn]

Thank you so much for reading, Gaston! I love your writing, so that means a lot!

[Zoli Fern]

I'm sure you have realized this by now, but you have done a great job with this piece. From the very beginning, I am captured in Lenna's story, and I wouldn't have been able to pull away even if I'd wanted to. You have the perfect combination of description and mental thought, and it all felt real. Even up to the very last line, which leaves us somehow feeling sure of where we are, your words are thoughtful and sure.
Good job. Keep writing, and keep posting, too!

[Adam Adams]

Damn!
everything's seemed goddamn so real surreal in the world damn unreal, man, however, as i strolled throu' the last stanza, i came to understand, damn man... it's all what fantasized by your creative mind. Lenna -- a doll who seemed to be hooked up w/the lover of heart but when she comes to confronting reality, she wakes up off dreams & watches nothing but the figment of mind that comes true.. to her & later on, what else? nothing ... but she suspect: "If you know where to look" cos everything's what picturized by love. Damn.. seemed lika a sexy (creative/deep and evocatively pen'd up) story write. not a bad shot! Looking 4ward to seeing whatcha got! Keep it up!

[Samuel Dickens]

In reading the other reviews, "dreamlike" may be overused, but that's how it seemed to me, too. Such a radioactive subject, your treatment is unique to anything I've ever read. One thing is for sure--your writing is excellent in every way.

[Ren Vaughn]

Thank you so much!!!

[Kaliope]

Oh that was beautifully done! This whole piece had a surreal quality to it, like slightly veiled flashbacks. I read it several times now and found new, intriguing details with every iteration.

I'm usually not at a loss for words but I'm having a hard time describing what in particular I like so much about your style, all I can say is that it feels wonderfully effortless, elegant. This story - despite its very serious and controversial topic - just felt like a soft breeze and yet it has such a strong impact. Love, love, love it, brilliantly done!

Can't wait to read more of your work!

[Ren Vaughn]

Thank you so much for reading and taking the time to thoughtfully review!! I'm so glad that it resonated with you.. It's my first time sharing anything I've written, so it's awesome that it seemed to convey what I was trying to convey. Lol.

[emmajoy]

There's a strangely uncluttered drama to this post. You understand the subject, you seem to be acutely aware of the whole picture, (sonogram or not - no pun intended) and yet somehow you turn what's an extreme moral dilemma into fantasy.. into a place where sins are washed away or/and there's rebirth in baptism - I'm not sure, truly not sure.

Both content and form is finely laid. And tragic.

[Ren Vaughn]

Thank you so much for reading. I really enjoyed reading your response. I wanted to leave a lot open to the reader, so I intentionally left out any detail on her reasons for having the abortion and/or any political/religious statement.

[emmajoy]

Very, very wise. Discussion is great but arguments can ensue when too open - especially at first!read moreVery, very wise. Discussion is great but arguments can ensue when too open - especially at first!
.

[S.A. Kurzweil]

I like that you didn't shy away from a sensitive topic for your first post. Once I initially grasped the subject I wondered if the intention of the writing was a political or ethical statement. Obviously, every writing says something about its author. You know about this subject and I felt this in the way you nuanced her experience. The ending was particularly interesting and gave me the impression that it is a symbol of emotional rebirth.

Great job! I’m looking forward to reading more of your writing.

[Ren Vaughn]

Thank you for your thoughtful review!

[Beautiful Christmas Tre..]

Your writing inspires me to write even more. I love the way you insert your words rirght up to detailed images..ur AWSOME!

[Ren Vaughn]

Thank you for reading!

[writing mojo]

I like your comparisons of the dreamy stated ocean and the genesis images Lenna drowns in. The ending was very surreal and brought all the senses conveyed to an adaptable closure of becoming one with fluidly, as death and birth become contained to human nature in currents constantly challenging the shore soul to soulless rhythm. I am not good at critiquing stories. I write stream of consciousness poetry. I did my best. I liked it and it was a great piece.

[Ren Vaughn]

Thanks so much for reading. I appreciate the thoughts you shared. I'm glad it made you feel something. :)

[KittyKatgirl]

This is great :) The ending was sad though. But I loved how you described things. Great job and keep up the great work :)

[Ren Vaughn]

Thank you for reading!