Voices Kill

He loved many things
though his demons did not love thee
As the voices grew
he could not set them free.
As madness consumed
heart frosted cold
What the voices demanded
he would do as told.
He once loved many things
but his demons did not love thee
One day he grabbed a axe
and went on a killing spree.
The voices laughed
as his wife cried
While he carved her body
his once loved bride.
Threw out her limbs
used her hair as a mop
He grinned when he smelled
fragrance remaining on her top.
The doorbell rang
he burst with glee
Because his next victim arrived
for his killing spree.

Reviews

[emipoemi]

This has an intriguing story and message with some very strong imagery. But the musicality doesn't flow smoothly enough through a number of lines, I had supposed "thee" was referring to the wife until I read "wife" as a character....are we supposed to interpret "thee" as the reader? Like the doorbell ringing is the next reader to dare peruse this story? Because that would give it some interesting depth - some clever meta, if you will - were it to be enhanced and explored a bit more (at least so we're not drawn to first assume that "thee" refers to a wife or old flame or whatever else possible). This has potential, for it's really well though-out, but simply needs to be tweaked a bit to achieve perfection. Good start!

[Lovecraft]

Almost seems Gothic in the word usage and flow but that's a good thing in my opinion. There seems to be a bit of dark humor throughout. I really like this poem. It calls to my humorously dark part of myself. :)

There are just one or two grammar issues, that's all. ;P

[Lauren Nicks]

Thank you! Is their any way to edit the poem once it is already posted???

[Lovecraft]

Yes, go to My Writing or Manage Writing. Find Writing in your profile tabs. You'll get it fairly quickly. :)

[Shy Joe]

The mind is a fragile thing. Complicated neuron map of thoughts. Sometimes we get lost in the maze, sometimes only part of us gets out. I enjoyed your write. Thanks for sharing.

[Lauren Nicks]

Thank you so much! Glad you enjoyed it!