Chapter two(chapter one is Billionire? story)

Ana kicked the door closed. The keychains on her bag were jingling due to the wind.Ana had a buzz in her, she just remembered that tomorrow is her birthday.The first day of summer break.

Ana was almost at the school gate when she heard something.

"Hey, Ana!" Oh, it was only and Abi.

"Hey besties," ,and Ana threw her arms around them.Jabob tapped Abi's shoulder and whispered something in her ear and walked away

"What was that about?"

"Oh, nothing,"

"Tell me!"

Ana then threwher fists at Abi's stomach lightly,as a joke.

"Ok, little miss violence," Abi giggled as she said it," He just said how he has a crush on you!"

Ana glared at Abi."Oh really."

When Mr Matthews,the maths teacher was busy writing on the board,Ana and Abi would chat about the latest gossip."Is there anything youwould like to say to the class, or would you prefer coming here during summer break?"

"Sorry,Mr Matthews!",Abi and Ana almost said it at the same time.Then the bell rang and everyone ran out of school.

As Ana,Abi and Jacob were walking they were telling Jacob all about how theygot told off in front of the whole class.

"Well Ana, Happy Birthday tomorrow." Abi said whilst giggling.

Ana stuck her toungue and Abi and Jacob did the same.

Author's Note

Pleas comment! I'm new and would like some feedback

Reviews

[M. V. Marguerite]

Hello! I think your first chapter just generally needs more description- "ana kicked the door closed" (what door? car door?) "she just remembered that tomorrow is her birthday" (what caused her to forget??)- and more then that, description about what they are doing during the dialogue, because suddenly ana goes from just in front of the school gate to the math classroom, without the audience being told how she gets there. Is the math class the last class of the day? Something should tell readers that time has passed, or you'll confuse them. Also, grammar check. The description of the whole adoption thing sounds interesting, though.

[laurenrose]

Thank you for your comment, and I will try and do a bit better with my stories.

[RAOrourke]

I would say you need to not use the name of the character Ana so much, she is used in every sentence in the beginning. It just bogs the reader down with unnecessary information and takes away from getting into the story.
" Oh, it was only and Abi." Is only someone's name? If so just capitalize it, I found myself confused there as it says it was two of her besties but I only saw one proper noun for a name, Abi.
threwher ..should have a space between threw and her. Just a few more little grammar mistakes, but that was all I see that needed fixing.

[laurenrose]

Thanks for reviewing! I didn't exactly read it over and I do appreciate you reading my story

[laurenrose]

" only " was meant to be Jacob. Sorry to confuse you