Revengefulness

There are so many instances when you sit and look at yourself in the mirror and think ‘God, I’m so fat, ugly and worthless.’ Usually, you feel this way after someone has either hurt your feelings or you just don’t feel good enough. These emotions come to every human being more than once in their life. What actually brought this article to mind was my mind reminiscing about the past. I read recently an article about a man who wanted to get revenge on his girlfriend because she had completely destroyed his life and self-esteem. “Every time, every single time I look in the mirror I hate myself.” It read. This man tried his hardest to show his wife all the love in the world, his best friend, his soul mate and he attempted to do everything to lead her on the right path to righteousness. In the end, he realized it wasn’t for him to judge her-you know whether she was on the right path or not. After she left him, he began thinking about revenge-and this is where my mind began to wander.

There have been times in my life where all I wanted was the ‘perfect’ type of revenge for all of those that have hurt me. I have had similar situations in which people have abandoned or betrayed me. In my mind, I could only think that they were on the wrong path, I was always right and they were wrong-but who was I to judge them for their choices? You see, I could never agree to disagree about anything. Oh boy, did I always have to be right. That was my first mistake. If you are religious you will instantly think of the right to ‘agency,’ and in this religious

aspect we are all given the choice to make our own decisions and we will be judged for them. Freedom, in this world is such a sacred activity to have. The freedom to choose to do wrong, right, kinda wrong, or kinda right-that’s for you to determine. I was in this motive that I needed to keep the people in my life ‘on the right path’ yet I wasn’t on the right path myself. Hypocritical, don’t you think? I can attest to say, I was not acting in the right on many things in my past-but do you know what is so amazing? You live and learn, grow and learn to move forward. That’s what I have chosen to do and boy, I can tell you right now how successful I have become, in doing this, I have managed to make new friends, learn new ways to live and make my own decisions. I never depend on someone else to be happy, which is such a great feeling. I am independent.

Now, after reading this man’s story I began to think about how I spent three-months thinking of ‘revenge,’ how terrible is that? Thinking such an evil and consuming feeling. Let’s talk a little about revenge here, its payback, a way of settling the score. It can be something trivial and fleeting or it can consume you and last many years to come. Honestly, who wants to feel those consuming thoughts? I know for a fact that I would never like to feel those thoughts. I get it, don’t think I don’t, you want to make that person feel the same as you did or do, maybe-even worse. Right? It’s not going to make you feel any better trust me. It will just bring you down to their level, who wants to be like that? Now, if your religious God tells us to turn the other cheek, which is something I’ve definitely learned to do-and to this very day, I still receive weird messages from random numbers blaming me for something I have no idea what they are talking about-quite funny how some people can’t let go of the past. They are angry when they see you move forward but their decisions have consumed them.

Did you know the best form of revenge is forgiveness, I don’t care what you believe in, God, Karma or Laws of Attraction-it’s a proven fact what you put out into the world you will get back at you. I have made mistakes, thought negative thoughts and it consumed me and I attracted negativity. One of the biggest things that happened to me was constantly thinking ‘I don’t want to lose this person.’ Well guess what folks, I attracted the loss of that person and in return gained so much pain, the person thought they were in the right to walk away, but truth is a friendship never begins if it ends. It was mostly a blessing to lose that person because it gave me the opportunity to learn about forgiveness.

Right now, I will tell you the immediate satisfaction of ‘forgiveness’ is not there, but the best form of revenge comes from forgiveness, living well, following the right path and success. I know it doesn’t come fast, but know that the dream you have, fantasize about when you are thinking about which revenge you are going to use and you are picturing their reaction will never ever be as great as when they see your name on the goals you have had success with.

When you do something spiteful, you may as well go to the other person crying, kicking and screaming and lay down the floor in front of them and let them walk all over you. When you want revenge all you are doing is letting the person who has wronged you WIN! You are letting that person know they have completely and utterly devastated you and they will always have that emotional hold on you. That is not what you want, right? They want you to be miserable other-wise they wouldn’t have walked out of your life, they want you to suffer too and their thoughts of revenge boil in their minds every single day-but don’t let that get you down. It doesn’t matter the situation, a break-up, friendship ending or even something as far as divorce and a feud. You don’t need to carry the burden of feeling lonesome and lost because of the fact that you were hurt. Forgiveness, strengthens the mind, brings you closer to your goals and most of all lets you become a better person and inspiration, You create your own testimony of success. A pretty good example for me was my divorce, I was concerned that my husband was cheating on me, so picked up my Iphone and texted him pretending to be a girl from his training in IL for the Navy. He decided he wanted to talk to this girl and ‘meet up’ with her first at the movies and then at her hotel-to me that is already cheating, as I was saying some pretty dirty things and he was consenting.

Aside from that, I had a best friend at the time who was in the room with me telling me I deserved better that everything would be okay and to ‘divorce his a*s’ because I deserved an eternal marriage. So, guess what, I did just that. Then, things fell apart as any marriage and battle. She started dating a man that was married and lying about his age! How great for her right? So, out of concern I decided to attempt to interfere, that was my first mistake, not my business, I should have spoke my mind once and left it alone. She decided to abandon me in my time of need for a man that was frankly, not good enough for her, now that I look at it, she had a good heart that turned black. I will never forget the day she turned me to the faith that I currently believe in, I asked her ‘why would you do this for me’ and she replied ‘because I know one day you will do the same for me. Never let me change who I am or my beliefs because I wan to stay close to God.’ Ladies and Gentleman the time came and sometimes, their hearts turn into so much hatred that nothing you say or do to prove anything is good enough. I never stopped trying to aid her with this problem. I attempted to take agency away and got left in the dust.

Now, this story is just rambling on, my main point here is to say in

the very end she looked at my ex husband and said ” you deserve better than her, she did this and that and this,” well guess what, it takes two to destroy a marriage and i’m not saying I was right in everything (he got married 1 month after our divorce finalized, so who cheated?) but after she stabbed me in the back, I wanted NOTHING but revenge, but now look at me, I feel pretty successful and as righteous as I can be, no, I’m not perfect, no I don’t think I’m better than anyone, but I am better than both of them because of my strength to forgive, I have excelled, I have become such an amazing person.

Forgiveness enabled me to live my life to the fullest, lose over 50lbs and find the TRUE love of my life. I don’t keep up on anyone from my past and I have eliminated anyone who was or is a mutual friend just to better my life. That is the ultimate forgiveness. When you can move forward and say. “I don’t love you, I don’t hate you have a nice life.

That’s exactly where I am today. This topic was brought into my brain by one of my best friends, he was talking to me about revenge and I was inspired to write this blog, the best example I could use was my own life. After all, the best writing comes from REAL, honest experience. Welcome to a piece of my life, trial and error and the lessons I’ve learned!

 

Blessed Be,

 

-Laura Monique Margosian

Reviews

[Aries1984]

I get where you are coming from. Just that I'm not married and therefore I don't have a husband lol. But my dad, before he died, living with him up till my parents divorced was similar to your testimony. I wrote a poem called Path of Thorns where I bring up how the path of forgiveness is not, by any means an easy path, but it is a path that is still worth taking because it's a liberating path. I forgave my dad 14 years ago. But it was important for me to tell him that I did that before he passed away in April this year. And I gotta tell you, the minute I let him know that I did that, all of these horrible memories, I don't think about them anymore. I mean I haven't thought about them for 14 years after I made the choice to forgive him, but I'm sure you know what I mean. I am grieving his passing like anyone would I'm sure. I grieve for the lost times and the good times I had with my dad. I think that God has, through this journey, opened up a channel for me to heal properly. I most importantly miss not being able to share my poetry with him. He inspired me to write. The poem Sweet Carnations is to my dad. If you get a chance, feel free to read it and comment.

[RomaJ]

Thanks for sharing your story. A lot of people can relate to this. When I was younger I would dwell on the negatives that made me want revenge but now I know the best revenge is to just move on with my life and be happy even if you have to "fake it until you make it". A good read.