The Failing Thoughts

A Story by laurang

Fighting with stress and family.

I was just 10 when I started dealing with a such thing known as stress. I struggled to keep my grades up and ended up in summer school. My father was very disappointed, but did not want to show his impressions to upset me. I was daddy's girl. I looked up to him. He loved me. He treated me as if I was his world. My dad did not have a dad figure in his life, so he promised me that I would never go through the feelings of being alone as he did when he was young. He was raised in Vietnam. He experienced losing his loved ones, and has been through so much pain. He knows what true pain is. He was bullied in the old days because he is mixed with Vietnamese and white. Think about the time after the Vietnam War and how much pain, and struggle there is to feed only oneself. He worked when he was just 12 to bring home a cup of rice to feed his mother. His mother was the only thing he had left, until he met my mother. My mother is the type of person who yells about everything, and my dad is a very calm guy. They were never meant to be, I believe they were rushed into marriage, constantly screaming at each other. My dad was very stressed out, and decided to take my brothers and I on a vacation. I was only 14 and was very excited to get out of the boring city. After a week of being away from my mom, I noticed how my dad suddenly changed. He was always on the phone, and paid no attention to me nor my brothers. I thought it was one of his old friends, so I let it slide paying no attention to him. Later that day, I found my dad's phone lying on the bed as he was taking a shower. I noticed how he forgot to change his old pass code, and decided to read his messages. He was planning to meet with a young Vietnamese girl that night, I cried for a minute or two, not knowing what to do. I waited for him to come out of the bathroom. as he walked out I screamed, "Dad, why would you do this?". He told me she was just a old friend. I replied, "Dad, you can't do this to mom, she is my mother and gave me life. She gave me a loving father. You shouldn't do this. Until, you know how much pain you caused, do not allow yourself to call me your daughter. You can't be telling a old friend that you love her and want to kiss her." He turned red and told me he was sorry and were never to talk to her again. I accepted his apology and didn't tell my mother what happened because I didn't want them to continue fighting. One year later, they were fine with each other until one day my parents got in a fight about money. He accused her of hiding money. I was so used to their fights, that I didn't even care anymore since usually after the fight, they would make up after a day or two. A day after, my mom said she was sorry, and as I said they made up after. A day after, my dad got a call about how his mother is very sick and is on the edge of death. He called for a ticket to Vietnam an hour after the call. I waited for 2 months for my father to come home. He only called two times during the two months in Vietnam. After two months, he came home, and went straight to bed not paying attention to his children's emotion. I understood that he was tired. He ignored my family for 3 days straight. Finally he decided to talk to my mom. He told her that he wanted a divorce with her and wanted to move out. My mother got suspicious and noticed how my dad left his phone home purposely so she could see that he was talking to other young girls in their late 20s. After school, I came home seeing my mom on the couch crying and screaming, "He was cheating on me." I felt no emotions because I was no longer surprised. I told her how I caught him awhile back. She screamed at me and told me, "If you told me earlier, I would of never allowed him to go back to Vietnam and this would of never happened." I then realized that it was truly my fault for my mothers tears. My mother cried and begged my father to stay with her and would never argue with him again. But he had no interest in being part of this family no longer. My mother screamed, and cried asking for forgiveness although she has done nothing wrong. She is a hard working mother. She worked twice as hard as my father. She loved her children so much that she spent her time working to make money to be able to feed her children. But she was blinded with money to physically interact with the family. That is what also caused my father's love for her to decrease, but mainly the constant fighting is what caused his love for my mother no longer there. I loved my dad, so I cried and begged him to not leave us. He walked towards the door with his keys with my mother crying and running in front of him so he couldn't walk out the door. That did not stop him he pushed her causing her to fall. I pushed my father out the way, to help my mother. I cried and fell myself. I was screaming cause I knew that i lost my family. My father walked upstairs acting as if none of that has ever happened. I helped my mother up and put her on the bed. She got up and banged on the door that my father has locked all night long. They no longer made eye contact from that day. Every single day, I look up what it's like to have parents how love each other unconditionally. I looked up how it feels to have parents as best friends. I knew every day that my father wanted nothing to do with a thing called family. Finally on Sunday, after church, we came home with my father no where to be seen. His clothes, everything was gone. He left a broken family alone. I called him several times. Do you know how painful it is to know your loving father no longer loves you, and doesn't care about you anymore? After two days, he replied, "Don't worry about me, I'm working with my old friends." I told him to send me a picture of your "friends". I knew he was lying, but he never replied till this day. It has been a month. My mother, brothers, and I are left with pain. I promise to take care of my family, as when he was young and left with stressful work by his father. I shall carry on his past and take care of my family. I promise you and I will succeed dad. I will become successful and no longer a burden. I will love my family and be successful at the same time. You are family also dad, i will always love you. Since your hatred allowed me to get closer with my mother, and brothers.