My Atrophied Love

A poem for someone

I can see your stars climb
As you light up the world
A gift given from heaven
Somehow bestowed upon me
Unworthy of one
A pillar of salt
Yet I watch you shine

Disgust in reflections
All my atrophied love
Hands on Jameson's Fire
And yet now here you are
Bright as the moon
In the gloom of my night
Unworthy of one
Yet I watch you smile

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Amazing description my friend. You create place and beautiful smile for the reader. Some temptation is needed. Thank you for sharing the outstanding poetry.
Coyote

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much!

[Coyote Poetry]

You are welcome.

[jesserose99]

'I can see your stars climb, as you light up the world' well that paints a picture in my minds eye just right off the bat of someone just so special. its really beautiful all the way through.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much! I wrote it for my daughter

[jesserose99]

oh well, that makes it even more gorgeous!

[J3ssInJupit3r]

Jameson's Fire, Atrophied Love? Have you heard of the band Red Jump Suit Apparatus? Or Story of the Year? If not, I would look into them, your poetry sounds a lot like their music. But I like your little spin on things. Tell me, is Jameson's Fire connected to this poem? What brings you to write these things? Like what do you think of? What is your biggest inspiration? How do you find inspiration. I have read a few of your poems now and I love your work. I want to figure out how to unlock that part of my brain so I can get back to writing again. Becuase I miss it, but I haven't really had much inspiration. Thank you for sharing this. I really liked it! And check out those bands when you get the chance.

[LapseOfMind]

I haven't heard of those bands no, but I will check them out for sure! Thanks for mentioning them. That song and this poem aren't connected no, though this poem does mention the topic of that song. This poem is about my daughter and my change because of her. My poetry, most of the time is brought about by negative emotions that need to be let out so I can feel better. Instead of holding onto something bad that happened, I write to get it out so it doesn't smother me. I rarely get inspired to write unless I'm sad or angry. Or, if I have a remniscent moment or one of yearning. Inspiration for me is often a need to express myself and get something out of me. All of these poems are written in 15 minutes or less, roughly. Something needs out so I sit and write and then a few minutes later I'm done and what you read is there. I write short stories too and wrote a novel as well. I self published a short story and have one on here that I entered into a contest on inkitt.com. Thank you for reading and reviewing to my stuff, I'm glad that you enjoy them

[SleeplessVolcano]

I like how you keep the reader guessing. Am I correct to assume that the reference to the writer being a pillar of salt reflects on a loss of faith, or an inability to break with a past? I also like to use that image of Lot's wife when describing our stubborn human nature.

We need to be thankful for those stars managing to shine light and direction into our black holes.

Inspired poetry!

[LapseOfMind]

You are indeed correct in your assumption. It's my past that I can't seem to break with as I find myself unworthy of the blessing I've been given. And yes, we most definitely need to be thankful for those that shine their light on us. Thank you for reading!

[Acris Bentley]

Thanks for the read request - I wasn't disappointed! What I'm taking away from your poem is that you've placed someone on a pedestal. You view them as this shining beacon in the darkness, and yourself as being unworthy of their light. I have certainly felt this way before, and maybe my personal experiences are to blame for the way i'm interpreting your writing. Regardless, I would absolutely love to know the backstory behind this. Thank you so much for sharing. This was absolutely beautiful.

[LapseOfMind]

Wow, thank you very much! You are spot on actually. Today is my daughters fourth birthday and while sitting in my truck before work I started to reminisce a little about when she was born and what I was like before hand. Her birth saved my life. These words came to mind while sitting there, wrote it in less than 5 minutes

[Acris Bentley]

less than five minutes?? wow! very impressive :)

[McBear]

Very well written. It sounded beautiful to me.

Little itty bitty critique; where you said "Fire" I was like "well, maybe it's capital to show importance. But, no others are capital" should it be lowercase? Otherwise, very good. I enjoyed this.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I appreciate it. I capitalized fire because it's a name. I wrote and recorded a song some years back about my alcohol dependence at the time and it was called Jameson's Fire

[McBear]

Ohh. This was amazing. Thank you for explaining that to me :)

[LapseOfMind]

Well thank you very much, I really appreciate that. I'm happy to explain any piece of my work. Most of it is very personal so I don't really expect people to understand lol

[McBear]

Ah, I see, haha. You are welcome! I love to help