You See Nothing

Another vent

Must I forever be
Your whipping boy
The one to blame
The one to be
Your words so sharp
Cut to the bone
And I'm left standing
Alone in truth
Yet there you are
Close enough to touch
Skin of stone
Heart frozen numb
While I'm laid bare
You look at me
And see nothing
So I must be
Exactly that
Nothing

Reviews

[747]

Wow. Quite harsh. But I understand that sometimes that is the way...

The way you have set this paints such a clear picture with so few words. Very well done. Though I hope you know, that no matter what others think, or how they may treat you; you are not nothing. :)


I wonder, just as a thought, if you would consider imposing a bit of a rhyme scheme? I was just reading, and started changing a couple lines a bit in my head. It gave the piece more of a melody, but not one that took over.
"Alone in truth," to "In truth, alone" , "And see nothing" add "there" to the end , and even perhaps even adding something to "Nothing" to keep it going if you wanted

Totally just an idea that popped into my crazy head. If you like it the way it is, completely disregard what I said. It's a great piece just the way it is.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it. I've used rhyme scheme quite a bit and the funny thing is I had to battle to not use it on this one lol I really had to try to keep from rhyming because it really was so easy to do with it. Often, I try to challenge myself to not have rhymes or a rhymthic flow but I fail most the time lol

[747]

Interesting. Why do you try so hard to not have rhyme when you're so good at it?

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you for the compliment. I guess I try to not rhyme because I want to stretch myself to do something more, something different.

[747]

That's fair. I would say you are doing pretty well in your self-challenge :)

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you, I appreciate that

[TheMalady]

The emptiness - no more than a hollow shell. Even if you stare straight in the eyes of that person, you will see nothing, just darkness.

Thank you very much for sharing your poem! I can vividly imagine the message. I like what you did with the last part '...So I must exactly be nothing...'

Thank you very much! Nice! :)

[LapseOfMind]

I am glad that you enjoyed it, thank you very much!

[TheMalady]

You're very welcome! :)

[Cyndy Robinson]

mmm, females tend to do this. The poem is clear and concise. It is a great poem no matter what you do. I get what you are doing with the last 3 lines, even the point if you see I am nothing I am nothing. To me, leaving the personal standpoint out of it, the poem is much stronger leaving the last 3, and if it was me 4 lines out of it. Your title is the 4th line. Its just stronger that way. If it was me I would end it with You look at me... It becomes a battle of do you need to to express this. To me you have portrayed a relationship, and if you end it with You look at me...someone can fill in what they want, but your view point is still You see nothing, and the poem becomes less personal and on its own. I would have trouble with this, I would want those last lines there. I am honest. But I think it is stronger without them.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much and I understand exactly what you're getting at. When I write poetry, I don't think too much, it just flows out and when I stop writing it's done. Afterwards I often feel a lot better. Thank you for the review

[Coyote Poetry]

Honest and direct words. I liked them. Some folks are naysayers and best to leave them to their own domain. Thank you for sharing the excellent poetry.
Coyote

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you very much, I really appreciate it!

[Coyote Poetry]

Was my pleasure and you are welcome.

[Celie Rose]

Very touching poem. It is short but packs a lot of meaning. Took me back to pretty bad memories. It is so sad when an adult takes their problems of life out on an innocent child who has done nothing at all. One who just want's their love. Well written. Keep writing.

[LapseOfMind]

Thank you, I'm glad that you enjoyed it. You're right, it is sad. It is sad when anyone does it to another person

[Cassie]

I had this exact thing happen to me a few weeks ago.

[LapseOfMind]

It really sucks when it happens

[Robert]

Well done. I bet people feel this way by another all the time. If someone is doing this to another the person should have enough strength to talk away and seek happiness.

[LapseOfMind]

I agree though sometimes that option is just as difficult to take