Darkness in my Eyes but Lights up in the Sky

A Story by lanhudiee

just restless story because of anxiety of being waiting for uncertainty

It's just like the other day, just like how everyday passing me by in the past few weeks. Gloomy and unmotivated, and the fact that dark cloud was hanging over my head this morning doesn’t help me, not one in a bit.

What happen?

That was the repeating question who lingering in my brain for almost every time and yet remain no answer because none can provide it except him.

Him who just disappeared like the dust swept away by the wind.

I want to ask, I want to scream, I want to …

I don’t know what I want anymore, everything is mess and I don’t know how to fix it. Not with my mind still in the daze, not with him still unreachable out there.

No single call being picked up, no single message being replied, no single word being uttered, nothing.

He just left me with nothing.

Nothing.

And the most logical explanation for everything is, he change his number. That is.

And then another question is why? Why did he do that? If he is struggle with something, why he keep it all by himself? Why he didn’t want to share?

What friends stand for?

I have no idea.

He was never like the idea of troubling the other because of his matter; I curse him so many times for being mother hen only to meet his shrugging shoulders. And this is what really happening now.

He was left out there alone.

His friends are upset, they’re beyond pissed off. No one cares what he was facing through. And those nonsense speculations, defamation and accusations pointed toward him. As if he didn’t care any of it, he keeps himself away from it.keeps his mouth shut

I know he aware with what going on out there, he was just don’t wanna come out to make any other deal with it. Means, he still have something to work out.

Everything about him always meets big question mark in the end. Too many why questions when it comes to him.

Sighed.

When I read proverb saying that eyes are made so people can read you through it, I will raised my hand for disagreement. That proverb won’t work for him. Not at all.

Looking at his eyes, is like wandering around the ocean, nothing you can find but deep blue color and creamy white of the waves, the waves who will rolled you away from all the sense you have and once you regain your sense back, you already too far from reality you supposed to be at.

I’m one of those who already far away from my reality, because of him.

Another sighed.

He is prince charming, he is wizard with the spell, he is man with untouchable aura, he is man with blank eyes, he is nothing but breathing statue, and overall he is man with questions.

The rain began to drizzling outside my window, the sounds of the pouring rain snapping me back to my sense.

Slowly I opened my laptop and checking some of notification on my SNS, I starred blankly at the green dot on my screen.

He was there, he was somewhere out there. He was still alive, in blood and flesh yet not bothering himself to reply to tons of my messages I left for him almost every time I was here.

I smiled nevertheless,

It was just his style, how can I still complaint about it? I know this will be one of my deals when I get closer to him.

I puffed out breath and continue to stare at the green dot there, waiting for it disappear and I will shut down mine too. Before I realize, it was my habit since his disappearance. Somehow, that simple green dot gave me solace in my uncertainty.

I know he is still with me, with us. Somewhere in the part of this world, he was still watching us.

Maybe the other just need a little bit of time to understand why he did that, just like what I did " when I finally giving up of ranting over this and accept that he is also need time for himself, for everything that bugging him " although for sure, I want to be there, to be the one he talk to.

But knowing him, it was almost impossible things to happen. It will never, he is the most secretive person I ever knew in my life, yet that the reason I love him.

Yes, I love him for that.

Love is always has weird effect to everyone who experience it.

And here I’m, counting for the days for him to walking back to me, someday. And waiting the light shining bright once again, like he ever said right before him vanish from the world

“Darkness in my eyes but lights up in the sky*”

*word by Wu Yifan