No Sympathy

No Sympathy

 

I dreamt of blood
silver of blades
this charade
driving home
blindfolded
snow drifts
swallowing cars
and small children
bundled up
in too many layers
multi tiered and colorful
like parrots trapped in the wrong environment
yet they laugh
rose cheeked and runny nosed
carrying generic plastic sleds
and hand me down ice skates
with mismatched mittens
a hole always appearing in the left thumb
bargain scarves
wrapped tight enough to nearly asphyxiate
building ice forts
that would stand up
in times of war
aim of their snowballs
better than any sniper
especially when it’s the sister
they are targeting
but there I am
cold and wet and afraid
not willing to button my coat
wondering where I left my gloves
and my sanity
swilling my cocktail
with aplomb
an addict sliding down the slopes of Hell
I just want to escape
so tired of
wondering which way I should go
staring down a darkened path
knowing there’s a hill
I’ll probably fall down
not really caring
no sympathy for the damned
even if you damn yourself
it’s a disclosure to an unnamed god
a vehement explosion
expatriation
who I am