Polaris

Reflective essay about my closest friend and our unique friendship

       The night was composed of frigid air and a Toby Mac soundtrack blaring from the speakers as the drama team made our way back from another late night show. The sky possessed several miniscule, shining stars that seemed to travel along with our bus, keeping light on our path. There was one particularly that shined brighter than the rest, much more luminous, and he was seated beside me with his eyes closed and his head rested against the cold leather seat. Yes, he was a star to me. Stars have the ability to captivate your attention by merely remaining there. They do not have to say anything or even acknowledge your existence; they have already lured you in, contrived their way into your thoughts, your feelings. The way they look back at you, just a miniscule speck upon the ground, radiates hope that they need you just as much as you desperately need them.

“Adam?”

“Yeah?”

“What happened to us? I mean, we weren’t always like this. It wasn’t always this hard. I hate fighting for words to say to you, when nothing I say will make it better. I don’t understand where we went wrong.”

A distinct chill settled in the air as I counted the cars as they pass by, waiting for his reply, his justification.

One,

silence echoed throughout my ears, apart from Toby Mac still clamoring through every surrounding speaker.

Two,

I could feel my heart sinking, yet somehow rapidly increasing the velocity of its beating.

Three,

I closed my eyes slowly. This was a mistake, bitterly departing into an abandoned attempt on my part. I began to lose hope.

Four,

I could feel Adam move slightly beside me as he began to speak. “We didn’t go wrong. How could we when we were never right?”

          Looking back on the years of Adam and I, it has become blatantly obvious that we were never really the textbook definition of best friends. No, we were simply conveniently placed into one another’s lives, with decorous timing and gifted with all the right words to make the other stay. We never went to the other’s house, just to pass time together, or do whatever else typical close friends would normally engage in. I can count much too easily on fingers how many times he has called me, and vice versa. Life with Adam does not consist of rainbows and butterflies. With him there are far too few rainbows, but I swear his smile could outshine the sun.

          The preacher is delivering a perpetual sermon to the Sunday morning attendees, which also involves Adam and me in the third row from the front, on the far left of the sanctuary. It’s the same seats every Sunday; everything is the same with Adam. Although, on this lingering morning, he appeared to wear a fixed expression of shear misery on his naturally dismal face. Simply looking at him sent ignited stitches of affliction throughout my nerves. Any time he feels pain, I feel every lasting fiber of it, as if it is happening to me as well. In my opinion, it is. I caught his eye and tried to give him an empathetic smile, in hopes that me being strong for him would somehow be enough. This time, however, he surprised me remarkably; when I set my eyes upon him he said, “I’ll be okay.” Then he gifted me with one of those rare smiles that the sun could only dream of surpassing.

          The sky was a mesmerizing shade and the air was full of the divine smell of summer and the sound of my favorite praise and worship band, David Crowder, performing just down the hill from our youth group at Alive Festival. Adam and I lay side by side on a large tarp laid out for the teens, making various designs and patterns from the stars that seemed to stretch out as a blanket to cover the vast majority of the sky. When we became silent, I observed the abrupt change of his expression. When I dared to look further, past the broken mask etched upon his face, I could see that he was distressed and fractured underneath. My heart felt every tear of breaking into a million pieces for him. I knew from then on, I could never abandon him. No, he had beckoned me in without saying a single word, and I had fallen victim to his despair. At that moment I vowed to myself to never let him fall alone.

          I have not, for one short moment, dreamt of relinquishing nor replacing him, after all these years. He may not radiate animation as often as some would prefer, but I receive him the way he is, as he also accepts me. Adam has never failed to shine the brightest for me, even in the darkest of times. He may not be the cliché definition of a best friend, but I truly believe that I have always needed him as much as he needs me. From him drawing me in with his enticing misery, to my heart wholly shattering for him, to his luminous smile that makes it all worth the pain; I am thoroughly positive that I would emotionally collapse without him. After all, Adam will always be my star; for he has taught me that at times, even stars need someone to lean upon as a refuge from the dark. Simply having a constant someone to rely on in arduous times has altered my life eminently.

Author's Note

Reviews are always welcomed! But please don't tell me to shorten it. I can't. Hahah :)

Reviews

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

I love how you began this, from "The sky possessed several miniscule, shining stars that seemed to travel along with our bus, keeping light on our path."
to "There was one particularly that shined brighter than the rest, much more luminous, and he was seated beside me with his eyes closed and his head rested against the cold leather seat. Yes, he was a star to me." Very nice and sweet!

Love how you wrote this with the nature:
"Life with Adam does not consist of rainbows and butterflies. With him there are far too few rainbows, but I swear his smile could outshine the sun."

Woah! Love this part, I feel like this sometimes. You described this so well.
" Although, on this lingering morning, he appeared to wear a fixed expression of shear misery on his naturally dismal face. Simply looking at him sent ignited stitches of affliction throughout my nerves. Any time he feels pain, I feel every lasting fiber of it, as if it is happening to me as well. In my opinion, it is. I caught his eye and tried to give him an empathetic smile, in hopes that me being strong for him would somehow be enough. "

Oh you do have a good way of describing feeling! Love this... so heart felt.
"My heart felt every tear of breaking into a million pieces for him. I knew from then on, I could never abandon him. No, he had beckoned me in without saying a single word, and I had fallen victim to his despair. At that moment I vowed to myself to never let him fall alone."

Lovely ending. Love this part here, you speak so highly and true of a great friend that those feelings just show in this write so much. And such a great title to the story as well. Lovely write, enjoyed this story a lot.
" From him drawing me in with his enticing misery, to my heart wholly shattering for him, to his luminous smile that makes it all worth the pain; I am thoroughly positive that I would emotionally collapse without him. "

[~ Stefanie ~]

Wow, this was excellent. I can't begin to describe how awesome I thought this piece was! Fantastic job!

[THIS ACCOUNT IS CLOSED]

Shorten, it REALLY I thing you could add more to it... I Like Toby Mac. I ecpecially like that song by his kids Loud N Clear.
Now on to the Review.... It was painful and sorrowful, It really made me feel the pain you had The Star in the Sky, Who can find it, Who can hold on to it, only the Gods I suppose,

Excellent write

[Ice Girl]

That was really great!

[An owl on the moon]

Your words sing of a beautiful, bittersweet place.... eyes glancing back over time... heart feeling the tug of your experience... of days past... of reality being weighed in the scales... Do love Toby Mac's music... sets the tone to deeper things.

[Chris Yip]

Something written from the heart, probably based on your own true life experience. Readable even though there is no plot or story line. You can write and with your own definite style of expression.

PS hope you will review my work!!?

[samiashannon]

that is an amazing story....... this is my favourite line! "Life with Adam does not consist of rainbows and butterflies. With him there are far too few rainbows, but I swear his smile could outshine the sun."

[Call_Me_Miss_Imperfect]

I truly do like this, I love reading it:) Great write, best friend

[Danielle]

Wow, this is really good! I like how the word-usage is so strong and descriptive (:

[Lucas Grasha]

"...for he has taught me that at times, even stars need someone to lean upon as a refuge from the dark."

You've mastered free verse in such a way many people probably haven't; and, obviously, you have a superb vocabulary.

Oh, and you rock at describing environments and situations. And emotions.

[Tegon Maus]

Interesting... attaching yourself to his despair. They call that co-dependent. Wanting to help him fix it... that I understand. Suffering in silence because he does wow !! Now that's stary eyed.
A few less adjectives will make it smoother, less forced. I think it should be closer to the way you speak every day to feel more real. That said, over all I liked it.