If You Wanted A Red Ribbon

love poem :)

If you desired a rose, I would pick for you the finest bouquet my bloodied, thorn-pricked fingers could assemble

If you longed to seize a shooting star, I would present to you the infinite galaxy I found in your eyes

If you found that you fancied the sun, I would ablaze my absolute brightest, yet pale in comparison to you

If you wanted a smile, I would light up your face with a profusion of soaring fireworks by the moonlit docks

If you pined to hear my voice again, I would serenade you to a deep slumber with my childlike promises of always and forever

If you desired a song, I would escort you to the most elegant tune- that of our hearts beating in rhythmatic unison

If you wanted to observe a movie, I would cast you as the leading role, heart bandit

If you wanted a story, I would recount to you the amorous tale of an admirable boy saving the heart of a hopeless girl

If you were seeking a kiss, I would blanket every last inch of your delicate, marble skin with my soft spoken lips, bestowing whispers of my love with every collision

If you needed reassurance, I would eagerly swim the oceans in hopes of be graced with your melting presence

If you yearned for a poem, I would befriend my interminable inkwell until every last appointed drop of ink cried theft on the page

If you wished to escape this rut of a place, I would run with you, hand in mine, as the distance casts overbearing shadows over your pitiful worries

If you longed for a heart to hold, I would remind you that mine remains at home in the beating chambers of yours

If you wanted a love, Darling I would promise you my life, today, tomorrow, and as long as my future is promised with your essence

If you wanted a memory, I would recall to you our year’s supply of cherishable moments you gifted to me, wrapped in your arms and tied together with our red ribbon love

Author's Note

Reviews are always welcomed! But please don't tell me to shorten it. I can't. Hahah :)

Reviews

[Victoria PoetryBunny]

Oh my. Alana McGuire :) You have blown the words away in this write, in such a perfection of loveliness and love. I love this a lot! Not only is this sweet and cute, as I see from another review by Ice Girl... but this is also very wonderfully beautiful and touching with such words of passion. I don't know where to begin with this but I must say something about this. :) For any reader perhaps, when they see a page of words it appears just as words needing to be read, and perhaps there is the fear of the length (but please do not ever change the length of your writes, you write the perfect amount of what is needed) and once the reader begins reading... well for me, with your writes; the words truly become alive and flow on the paper in a effortless way. Though I'm sure it takes you a good amount of work to write this great. I can not capture how you come up with this all... I love the descriptions in this, the way you start the lines with "If you" in repetition and then continue it with such a dreamy description of lovely words after... so beautiful.

It is difficult for me to just select some lines and parts as I usually do because I love this from beginning to end. I love how you began this with this line:
"If you desired a rose, I would pick for you the finest bouquet my bloodied, thorn-pricked fingers could assemble"
Right from the beginning I saw how you described
" I would pick for you the finest bouquet my bloodied, thorn-pricked fingers could assemble"
Love it.

In this part it clever and cute how you thought of "heart bandit"
"If you wanted to observe a movie, I would cast you as the leading role, heart bandit"

In this part, I love it ... need I say more? It is about writing a poem with the love, and for writers to read this, it is just beauty:
"If you yearned for a poem, I would befriend my interminable inkwell until every last appointed drop of ink cried theft on the page"

I must say something about this ending... the way you used the title (which is very nice) in the ending, to tie it all together, as well as the way you spoke and described the "cherishable moments" is so nice:
"If you wanted a memory, I would recall to you our year’s supply of cherishable moments you gifted to me, wrapped in your arms and tied together with our red ribbon love"

I pointed those parts out... but again; I love this from beginning to end, wonderful beautiful job. :)

[SheActsLikeSummer]

Stunning.

I must admit that I really didn't want to read the whole thing. I was planning on reading the first two stanzas and scurrying away without a second thought. But did that happen? No. You interested me with the first line and I was delighted with the second. The third kept me going, and the fourth was shocking. Yes, shocking.

It's amazing that you were able to craft such a beautiful piece as this in such few words, each delicately placed, in an almost perfect order in an almost perfect way. But everything you wrote, I could literally feel the emotion emanating from the page... or to be more factual, the screen.

I was captivated from the first word to the last. No, I didn't say first line or couple of words, it was singular - word. There's just something so thought inducing about the word 'if'. It leads leads your mind to so many questions, set off like fireworks as they crash into one another; the domino effect.

And you have such an enriched vocabulary making the piece come alive even more than it already has. It's just such a thought composing poem. So very well done.

[M.D Leon]

This is absolutely gorgeous! every line delivered exquisitely and with emotion, couple of lines there might throw one off but without a doubt a great piece

[Archia]

This was so sweet and beautiful. I love how you foudn so many different ways to express it. "If you longed for a heart to hold, I would remind you that mine remains at home in the beating chambers of yours" This would certainly be my favourite line, so sweet.

[Ice Girl]

Really sweet and cute!

[Shattered Dreams]

This is so truly sweet and true. If only every love started and went on like this... You've thought of everything a girl would want and I totally agree with you. I love this poem! Thank you!

[y&r]

Hi :) I like the entire idea writing about how you'd give anything to your love. Literally anything. That is a nice topic to thread upon.
Just one thing, though. the poem is kind of ... excessive. You lost me aroudn the third or fourth "If you..." For the rest of the poem I skimmed through, except perhaps at the end where I was hoping for a punch. A brief, powerful line. Perhaps thin down the poem. Choose the most powerful "If you..." sentences. Make it short. Too long loses the reader. :)