Preface

This came to me out of nowhere, so I went with it. More to come later, possibly.

I love the essence of you, and the way your hair changes like the seasons.
I'll never forget the first time I saw you, your hair shading your shoulders like a Willow tree, bestowed by gravity, but more so by beauty. It was as if God was whispering natural elegance through each wave. My head became filled with all of the generic words we're taught not to overuse when describing something truly breathtaking. So I remained silent, afraid that any worn out, complimentary string of words could make you doubt their meaning, and doubt my sincerity.. wrapped around them like a final breath.
It was the middle of winter, but you were spring in your jeans. Full of 3D dreams and paper hearts.. You caught me staring and I felt my heart begin to crumble, as if paper really did make up the core in its entirety. To my surprise you gifted me a smile that I swear could outshine the sun. And in that moment, I knew I was alive.


This came to me out of nowhere, so I grabbed my phone and copied it down in a note.
Now I need to decide where to take it next. Poem, short story, prose, or an exert from a book.
Also, please tell me what you would like to see happen next. ;)

Reviews

[Simon Welsh]

Love this particular freeform structure. The line about 'I swear I could outshine the sun' is absolutely stunning.

[Alana McGuire]

Thank you very much! :)

[Luke Rawlings]

Agreed with zainul, I felt this was an opening to a scene in a film.. kinda like American Beauty. Watch it if you haven't, it might give you ideas :D A really good piece, you capture the feelings really well. I could relate and the use of your language was still almost exotic.. really different from what I normally read. Well done :)

[Alana McGuire]

American Beauty was a very intricate film, and I really enjoyed it. And thank you so much for the compliment; it really means a lot to me. :)

[Luke Rawlings]

You're welcome :)

[zainul]

Make it prologue of a book.
See how it goes.
Wonderful beginning.

[Alana McGuire]

I thought about using it for that, myself. Thank you so much for the feedback(:

[zainul]

I am glad that you appreciate my view.:)

[eatmills]

He turned and walked away. it took all the courage I could muster to run after him. This wasn't me; I don't go chasing after boys but there was something chaotic but pure in him and I just had to listen to his soul some more.

As you can tell got a little caught up in it. Nice thought.

Does that help?

[Alana McGuire]

That's very good! Thanks so much for the review and words.

[eatmills]

Hey no prob. It sounds like the actual start to the story after the main character build.

[Richard Layne]

I think you can go anywhere with this start. I read it as a poem and I love the idea of "you were spring in your jeans"." It captures that early moment in a relationship of awe and uncertainty. If you keep it a poem I would delete the last sentence.

[Alana McGuire]

Thank you for your words and opinion. I really appreciate it.