How Much Love

Laughing, you reply as I tell you the most serious thing.
Interpersonal thoughts I reveal holding humor only you see.
But you care not to see the true emotions of someone so insane.
You lose yourself in this person, that you once became.
You lose your own soul. Your own life, to the find true heart.
And now, my love, I tell you insanity is only part.
For one day, you will regret this grit-covered sin,
and try to gain hope for what you once had to begin.
In conclusion, you lost it all to an ending love my dear.
Until this day, however, you fear the ridding of these tears.
The want for attention and counseling soon disappear
as you stop crying, forgetting about these bold fears.

What if you regain hope? What if your past turns around and
realizes, there is another bit of imperfection for another stroke.
Another swing to reach the three-hundred yard hole?
Coping becomes a habit, as your own bit of imperfection becomes
bold. Robbing you of your self justice, this creature takes advantage.
You forget everything you once had, once lost, once prayed,
and put it all into trusting another mate, such as this.

Now, shouting in your dim-let bedroom, you weep in a pillow of
crusted tears and worn comforters. The only entrance blocking
you from the outside, is a door, locked from the inside out and
barricaded with a wooden chair. Your parents act as if this unfair
piece self-pitty doesn't exist beyond air. Because we choose
not to see it. We choose not to breathe it. We choose not to
believe it. A true flaw you realize, is dealt with nothing but more pain.

Diaries and journals surpass the space you preserve under your bed.
Pages of emotion ripped from the spine, some 5 minutes later.
But are these feelings cured? Are these feelings helped to a better?
Of course not! However, the thought of destruction brings a bit of
light into your life, knowing someone will have to pick it up, and realize
what you did to take out the trash.

Ending with a blackened night, you walk outside only to find,
that your heart and everything around it, has collapsed.
Shaking and unrelaxed, you go back to your room for some slack.
Physical pain won't help this, you soon learn after the scars
on your wrists and your heart beyond those never-ending pits.
The shirt on your back pealed off so you can see how
undeserving of life, you truly are. Pierced skin and lost weight
reflect in your full-body mirror. Vanished attractions turned to
hated thoughts from abuse and the fading of memories.
But tonight, I dance with the devil hoping to find a different way.
A different way to live. A different way to be. A different way to see
how damn pathetic you truly are. One last slit on the neck of impurity
shows us all, how much love, you truly endured.

Author's Note

This is filled with a bunch of fragments and run-ons, but honestly, I dont care. Not sure where this one came from...

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is totally random I guess but indeed it is making such a great sense!
"Ending with a blackened night, you walk outside only to find,
that your heart and everything around it, has collapsed." - Simply loved these lines a lot!
I'm really getting a picture of symbolism here in your words and I will surely come back here to explain it..
But there is just something in this poem which really made me to think over it and thus I will surely add it to my favs!
Brilliant piece of writing it is!

[just is]

Oh! My Goodness! I so like this write so much, This is one heck of a write here, so full of emotion. I really could feel the energy you put into this. You are a very powerful writer. I really like this.

Diaries and journals surpass the space you preserve under your bed.
Pages of emotion ripped from the spine, some 5 minutes later.
But are these feelings cured? Are these feelings helped to a better?

Love these lies here, sounds like what is under my bed. Oh Well! this is simply amazing.