Music Intertwined With Love

I really do like this one. I think it's one of meh best :D

This bass keeping the beat of your heart.
Steady as our pace, we never drift apart.
Ready as the riff, your sweet words ignite.
Keeping my body warm, throughout the night.
The moon shines, clinging to the dark sky,
as the sweet acoustic melodies fly by.

Take my heart through these dull blades of grass.
Dew on my jeans, you sit me down here, half past.
We sit upon the cold ground watching the lights above.
Whispering in hushed tones of the sweetness of love.
Unfulfilled actions pondering in our minds.
We wait and wait for the moment, when our eyes intertwine.
Already holding your gentle back from the ground,
you lean a few inches further because you know how.
You know my every action in response to yours.
The sound of moist lips, suddenly play as chords.
Music intertwines with our lips, creating magic.
Wonders upon imagination suddenly turn tragic.

The sound of my phones vibrating through the thin layer of jeans.
My mom calling from home, telling me what she needs.
The fresh smell of a home cooked meal singes my nose.
Rolls making in the burning hot oven, lined in rows.
For the smell of your skin love, is more addicting than that. We both know.
I gently close the phone in response to my mother.
Both knowing what I shall find when home. Nothing other.
My mother furious with the rage of anxiety and frustration.
Her words will cut through mine like a knife of penetration.

Seconds after thinking, we fall backwards onto the weeds.
My mind now with ease, we continue with our needs.
Your soft body resting upon my chest, we kiss.
Forgetting everything but the best, that is this.
I must leave soon, I say easing the bad news.
She kisses me one more time, as we stand to a noose.
I will love you until the day I die.
My heart will always be open for you, good bye.

Author's Note

Comments and criticism are welcome! :D

Reviews

[Fallen Angel]

I love the whole feel of the story. I like the way that you said what you needed to say. you can tell that you put youur heart and soul into that poem. It was deep and really touching. I love the whole feeling behind the poem. I got butterflys in my stomach just reading the poem. GREAT JOB! I love it. This one is totally going into my favorites.

[Candylove.]

Im so jealous. ha This is...beautiful. You took the words right from my own heart it seems! A wonderful piece full of sincerity and love. This is truly inspiring. Well done! :)

[Emily?]

Ha, no criticism needed! This sooo amazing, deff. one of my faves! Very Very inspiring! I love it wayy to much! GREAT WRITE!!=)

[[untitled]]

I thought this was fantastic. Serious,passionate and humerous all rolled in to one. You are very clever. Thankyou
Florida Girl

[Serend1p1ty]

Wow..
For someone so young, you're unbelievable. Well I'm only 4 years older than you so what am I saying haha, but you get the point!
The rhyming was just like 'oooh' & the style you write is just beautiful.
I've used this word alot, but really, this was stunning.
One of the best poems I've seen.
I really liked how you described your phone breaking the mood, was humourous, yet sweet at the same time.
Great piece.

Yours truly,
cloud6

[Weaza]

Oh...oh wow....its is very amazing....very descriptive, very deep in the vivide picture...I a truely not surprised you wrote this, it is very much one of your best! Keep up writing :]

-Weaza

[Miss Prince]

I was about to gag right before your second stanza kicked in! (Sometimes love poems make me sick, you know.) Good job. I love it. This is so awesome. Very well done.

[Amanda]

nicely written....it flows so well and the comparisons to the music make it all the better.

good job on this.

Amanda

[turtlegirlluver]

Very good! I love how you relate the song to your emotions. I like the change in the piece that comes from your mothers call. Another good write!

"I will love you until the day I die.
My heart will always be open for you, good bye."

[Bhavya Kaushik]

I really liked it a lot, beautiful imagery and loved the flow of it!


But you know what, I think the best is still to come! :)