Untitled

One of my stronger pieces. This isn't posted on my blog in fear someone I don't want reading it, will.

Dreaming quietly only to be disturbed by the scenes you send.
Hard lit image of your face, seen too much. Help me bend.
Help me get over the long grudge of lost love. Tell me you miss me.
Do you know what I am thinking of? Let me tell you, maybe then, you will see.
Pain. Without your godforsaken warmth and love, I crumble.
I can't hold on to myself. The thought of you makes me fumble.
I dreamt of an empty room, you and me. I burst out my true feelings.
I'm so sorry. I'm so very sorry. My emotions peeling.
I look at your face. Unable to describe it, like I've done so many times before.
You give me a similar look. The exact one you gave me on The Night.
The night we shed our feelings, our opinions, from each others sight.
The look you gave me, before you kissed me. Before you kissed me.
Look at me. I've gone insane from just the mere thought of your scent.
I reach out to hug you. I care about you. I love you.
Not the same as I did, but friendly love. What friends go through.
Kill me. Kill me now. Take my soul. I don't want to live this hell.
I've crashed, broken down. I can't go on. I fell from your grasp.
You let me go. I loosened my grip, for you. Forget my name.
Forget what I became, after you destroyed the boy you once loved.
I'm so sorry.

Reviews

[Bhavya Kaushik]

This is so raw, I mean yes! It was indeed full of emotions but the rawness in it attracted me the most.
Your style of writing reminds me of myself when I was 13 or 14, it was the time when I just thought of taking writing seriously. I was very much raw with my stuff at that time and rawness should be removed while you gradually write. It is a process and like I'm 18 now but in this past 4-5 years I have changed my style of writing and now I'm not that much raw.
So, here...I would advice you to just have a change in your style and that you could do by reading professionals and soon I'm sure you will start writing as a professional.
Its a way to go.. :)

But...yeah! I simply loved it. It is purely heart wrenching�


(P.S. - I would have titled it as "Identifying myself")

[lexiilunatic]

i pretty much was about to cry when i read this.

ive been through this so many times believe it or not.

had my heart broken. broken someones heart.

and i just lost myself in the process of my heart being in pieces.

[Kristina]

Wow, that hurt ran kind of deep there. Have you gotten over that one? Are the wounds open or closed? That was heavy, excellently written though. You're so sweet though, glad to see this didn't take from that. Good reading : )

[Leo Gems]

This has such a raw emotion to it. The fact that it is written in a block format indicates to me that it was just written straight out without formal thought. It was just feeling. The power of the emotion driving the ink because of a broken heart or at least an aching one.

There is nothing I would change in the piece because it was true emotion that came through. To change it would alter the feeling and it would spoil the piece.

Emotional ink!