Wind blows at a wisp of my hair
obscuring my vision,
my mirror shatters beneath
the weight of the world,
ripples of water cradle the
spaces between my toes.
Freaking whaaaaaaat!!!!? Another shadow wandering the streets of an unappreciative world. So relatable. You speak for a bunch of us, my friend (if not all), and this is amazing. The second usage of "world" actually undermines the power of the other two, given how short the piece is and how the musicality runs. Another word to convey the message would be advisable, then this would ring with perfection!! Absolutely marvellous!! Well freaking done!!
this is short yet powerful.. carefully chosen, descriptive words that evoke profound emotion.. it is also thought-provoking and I love when the two come together like this... this one is ironic in its title and feeling that you walk away with.. for it is far from comforting the thought that you are not wanted by the world.. it starts off strong then whisks you away in the middle to deliver the punch at the end... well done.. really enjoyed this...
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Thank you for stopping by and leaving behind your thoughts.
I feel this poem so much. It happens to me all the time. This brought me thoughts about the difficulties I'm facing lately. It's very depressing and at the same time, I don't know why I felt a little bit relieved after reading this. Probably because it spoke so much of my inner emotions. This was powerful and breathtaking. I like the imagery. It was very well-portrayed. Oh, tough times. Gotta let it go at once. An excellent poem, Tai. This shall go to my library! It's beautiful. :)
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Glad it struck a chord, thank you for your kind words.
Amazing how such a poem can have different meanings each time I reread it. I love it, Tai.
Your writing voice has matured much so in my absence from this site. It's a joy to read your works again. :)
"And still I claim this world
does not want me."
Try as we may to do everything in our power to please this world, it only results in us baring the weight of it upon our shoulders.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Welcome back, Summer, your presence was duly missed; I do hope you're here to stay!
I thank yo.. read moreWelcome back, Summer, your presence was duly missed; I do hope you're here to stay!
I thank you kindly for the kind words of your review, Summer.
Hauntingly sad Tai...I'll never think of cherries quite the same way.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
Frieda! Haven't seen you around in awhile, the site has been missing you. Thank you for the delight.. read moreFrieda! Haven't seen you around in awhile, the site has been missing you. Thank you for the delightful review!
10 Years Ago
Awh thanks Tai, muchly appreciate, you know silly life gets in the way of poetry...have missed you t.. read moreAwh thanks Tai, muchly appreciate, you know silly life gets in the way of poetry...have missed you too and my pleasure!
Wow, this was so surreal, and the ending was powerful. The way that you showed the big and small ebbing at the reader, clearly trying to get in... and yet you do not belong. It is a message which is cliche with how much it is written about; but this is anything but cliche. It has transcended mere angst to more of an existentialist expression. I have nothing to say which is complimentary; which if you were familiar with my reviews, you would know it is praise of the highest caliber.
Posted 10 Years Ago
10 Years Ago
You're far too kind to me, aha, I thank you kindly for your lovely words.
I must start that I am not as active as I should be on this site, though I do tend to drop by every now and then and review what I can from friends and those whose works I enjoy. Currently, I am dippi.. more..