Betrayal

Should painful weeps escape me

As I recognize the figure behind the gun?

Whose expression is as betraying

As the deceased star within our sun?

 

You, my love, have left

Scarlet footprints across my stomach;

Then tossed me out of your heart,

Watching as I plummeted.

 

You cleared my rainy skies,

Only to leave me with hail;

I gave you everything, only to be

Left not a soul, but a shell.

Reviews

[Legolas]

Very emotional poem that portrays your feelings well. I am very sorry if this is a true story. Very well written.

[Extant]

Second stanza; "Scarlet footprints across my stomach". Oh, I got so excited after reading that line, and that whole stanza. You just made my day, it is so beautiful; the constant underlying sadness that is paved over with good memories, "You cleared my rainy skies". Ryan, I applaud you, it is always a joy to read your rhymes.

[ewest1220]

Very well done my friend. While the rhyming is a little different in this than what I'm used to seeing from you it isn't a bad thing at all! Great work!

[eeoopig]

Very good rhyme and flow. A beautiful peace

[A. V. Madison]

"Should painful weeps escape me
As I recognize the figure behind the gun?
Whose expression is as betraying
As the deceased star within our sun?"

I adore that stanzas. The rhyme scheme is best there. As I read the poem further, I notice that the rhyme scheme isn't as good. Might I suggest sharper rhymes? Other than that, you're vocabulary is incredible. Beautiful work, Ryan.

[Tai Ryens]

Hm, thanks for your input but I personally enjoy the rhyme scheme here. The way I say it makes it rhyme amazingly.

[Rox Bain ☮]

"I gave you everything, only to be
Left not a soul, but a shell"

I love those lines.

This is such a beautiful poem. I love it because it skips past the cliche that most other poems of this nature have. Well done!

[demureminds]

Very impacting piece. A great portrayal of betrayal that paints an excellent picture.

[Rhea752]

i loved the rhyme scheme and the flow. the poem was very powerful and i loved the last line. great job!!!! :)

[kayla]

This is great. The rhyme scheme is well thought out. I enjoyed reading it(: