Exposed

Excerpt courtesy of "I Am the Walrus" from the Beatles.

When all the world sees that your social justice cause

 is built on propaganda to gain public applause

 and all your good will deeds, are just marketing schemes

When all the world sees

 maybe...

When all the world wakes up from their mundane daily routines

 and pride in empty consumerism, wrapped in the American Dream

 their all-for-one posture, their embellished identities

When all the world wakes up, maybe the world will see

Maybe the world will see, that it's not the place it seems

 they are not who they thought they were, things are not what they believed

There's an agenda to acquire more than which you need

 while maintaining the reputation of Ms. and Mr. Charity

When all the world sees the person they pretend to be,

 the person who they really are, and how they want to seem

The person standing next to them, the widow across the street,

 the starving child in the third world country crouching at their knees...

When all the world sees that we are vultures out of habit

 slaughters to the lamb, and leeches to the planet

 built on exploitation, to build a "better nation"

When all the world sees

 maybe...

When all the world sees we're interdependently connected

 and underneath we're all the same, when looking past complexions 

Our concern for personal gain has caused a lack to love each other

When will the world see, sacrifice takes some discomfort

When all the world wakes up and when the world sees

 that: "I am she as you are he and you are me and we

 are all together,"

 maybe the world can be...

Author's Note

I edited the bottom portion somewhat, but I still feel like there is something more I can do to tie it all up. Any suggestions welcome! :]

Reviews

[A.Lee]

I really like this. I think you did an excellent job forming your words in a way that provoked thought and yet wasn't too wordy or common. You did a great job incorporating the rhyme scheme. It didnt sound forced at all. And I liked the repetition of "When all the world sees, maybe.." Excellent job. One of my favorites. I think the ending verse could be edited to be a little stronger, but I don't have any suggestions as to how... Sorry! I'm not much help there.

Great work though!

[E. R. Rawding]

this is much more powerful than the other poem i read, but the flow is nowhere near as good

[ChristianM]

Wow,
I thought this was really great.
This felt like John Lennon and Rage Against the Machine to me, and that is a very good thing. Both artists spoke the truth and didn't sugar coat anything.
This was really thought provoking and beautiful.
Great piece.

[Truly Ross-Wisehart]

"When all the world sees that we are vultures out of habit
slaughters to the lamb, and leeches to the planet
built on exploitation, to build a "better nation"

This is a very powerful piece of writing. This verse, especially, speak volumes. Commercialism, appearances, keeping up with the Joneses...all while ignoring the plight of our fellow man. Strong stuff, well stated.

~True

[Jack]

The ideas in this poem are something I have been struggling with for the last couple years. Especially after taking a couple social justice classes in college. The truth in your poem is painful to realize but necessary for personal growth. Also the way you conclude your poem.....

When all the world wakes up, when all the world sees
that: "I am she as you are he and you are me and we
are all together,"
maybe the world can be...

........is the (seemingly unrealistic) answer to these problems, that we must all stop creating divisions amongst one another and unite as one common 'race' -- the human race -- where we care for ALL people instead of looking out for our own selfish interests. Thomas Merton would agree with you, James Baldwin, with his concept of love, would agree with you.......haha and obviously Jesus too. Really good job.

[Sara]

i like this poem; i always think it's great when people use art to critique the world around them, since it's such a subversive tool... i like the feeling behind your words, and there are a lot of hard-hitting lines here that should resonate with a lot of people, especially americans (ex:'when all the world wakes up from their mundane daily routines/and pride in empty consumerism, wrapped in the american dream...'). great job exposing the double standards seen in today's society... :)

[Devons]

I think the way in which you employ words is very creative, powerful and original. Each verse has its own sharp teeth, biting at and condemning what is wrong and what is bad about the world and its people and human nature. Those that are "maintaining the reputation of Ms. and Mr. Charity".. There is always a small drop of acid in the phrases and words you choose, as though Dr Jekyll were decanting poems from test tubes..

"When all the world sees that we are vultures out of habit
slaughters to the lamb, and leeches to the planet
built on exploitation, to build a "better nation" .."

Very strong words. I admire this poem very much.

NB As to your query about the ending section, I think the ending is quite strong as it is, but perhaps could be made stronger still by removing the penultimate verse.. (i think it is the weaker of them)

[Coyote Poetry]

The Native American believe all people are one. The poem is very good. You made your point. Last lines were confusing. But I understood your purpose. We must work together to create a good world. In the end we are one in the success or failure of this planet. We must work together to end hate and war. Let War be on sickness and hunger. That would be a good goal. A excellent poem. You made me think.
Coyote