Amnesia, Please

This was a creative writing assignment I did for class a few semesters ago. We did a series of core incidents.

    I had many near death experiences, but I died only once.

    As darkness enveloped, silence creaked behind.

The following week I barely uttered a word. What is there to say when you no longer see the world the same? Dealing with my death was torture. Traumatic. Although time kept moving forward it always had a way of bringing me back to that moment and replaying it.

Just fast-forward please.

It was all real to me.

I could just barely see the look on Miss. Amy's face as she walked into the bedroom to find three pale teenagers lying dead on the carpet. The shock. I could feel her stomach turning as horror settled upon her. 

    Isn't it a tragedy? Only a few days before Christmas death had claimed my life.

How could I be so selfish?

    I could envision the lonely Christmas tree in the front room. Under it's branches bore wasted energy and hard earned money.

The house would remain silent this holiday season.

I could imagine my sister asking late-January if she could open her presents yet. Mother's still delirious.

    "No, not yet... We have to wait for your sister."

She's not coming back.

    Rewind to that night.

I wanted anything to forget my past. In fact, anything to forget the present. Knock me out. Give me amnesia, please. Anything. That night it was "Cold, Cough, Congestion." After thirteen pills, I decided it was an unlucky number so I downed one more. At first I felt nothing.

Then it hit me.

For the first half-hour it was fun. It brought me to another place. Nothing made sense. Neither the images I was seeing nor the things I was saying. But I felt good and that's all that mattered.

Then I got sick.

Everything went downhill from there.

I couldn't move.

I was dehydrated.

    C.J. and Jenny left the room to get me some water. After they left, a sense of reality settled upon me.

I could hear music.

Is this what I'll die listening to?

I was burning up inside. flashes of heat tingled from my fingertips to my brain. My heart began to beat faster and faster.

After C.J. came back into the room and gave me some water it was time to go to sleep.

    "I can't sleep, I'm gonna die."

    "You're fine."

He dragged my immobile body across the floor to where I would rest.

Everything went black.

They say your life flashes in front of your eyes before you die-- that's what happened to me. Except the thought's that flashed before me were everything I wanted to forget.

Slowly my body began to sink to the floor.

I wasn't moving. Gravity pulled me down.

My insides were still burning.

I could feel my internal systems shutting down.

I was desperate to hang on.

I needed to.

It's too soon to leave.

I descended. Darkness.

    The next morning I woke up.

My body was alive-- in my mind I was dead.

    What if, occupied my thoughts.

It could have happened.

And honestly, I think it almost did.

                     ...

Reviews

[zombiikillah666]

your...really..good..at..writing(:
Looove..it...you..have..talent(:
(My..spacebar..broke):..lol...

[Copper]

Beautiful. Absolutely beautiful. It was a good, engaging read. I thoroughly enjoyed every minute of it. It was very visually engaging, as I could see every point of it as it happened. Keep writing more, and I will read them intently. I hope to see more like this. ^ ^

[Devons]

This is written very immaculately, and takes an interesting form in the way it is set out on the page - sort of poetic in shape, at times. It's a really interesting, if not unusual, perspective; imagining the pov of what would seem to be an 'after-life' or maybe ghost. Because of this mystery narrative, you are kept reading by the suspense that the words hold.
And it isn't an ordinary personality which dictates this situation. The 'voice' of the narrator is very real, and believable. Like these lines:-

"They say your life flashes in front of your eyes before you die-- that's what happened to me. Except the thought's that flashed before me were everything I wanted to forget."

No cliche involved here. It is quite an ironical attitude and an honest one.
The description of the bodies being discovered and the reactional aftermath is quite eerie, tragic, and disturbing. It is like snatches of a scene brought back by a hazy, dark memory.
And the way it ends does credit to the preceding story - "My body was alive - in my mind I was dead" sums up the whole sinister imagining that has gone before..
And you are left to wonder if these imagined intentions would one day be fulfilled.. that this person is a living death, waiting for the moment when it will finally succeed in 'moving on'...Suicide ...?

A very interesting and unusual perpective which is quite refreshing to me.