Results of pleasure

I recently got results after making a mistake w/ someone I trusted. It has changed my whole mindset on my life me questioning if after this I'll ever find the love of my life.

Results of pleasure

 

We’ve all heard of the cautionary tell

Like many before me

Excited, unaware, and unprepared

A night of pleasure remembered as my nightmare

For I lay not completely but partially

Exposing my naked DNA to his toxins

And him to mine

Results of pleasure

 

8 nights and 9 days after I celebrate my cycle of life

I sit cold and alone

Anxiety and denial, “is this real?”

As I wait for the results that I prayed would come back clean

Lying not only to myself but the ones I love

I’m ok, I’m ok, and I’m ok

I chant and pray to myself

Until I heard the bell, casting a gloom shadow on my heart

Results of pleasure

 

The results were in, and I had to face the hard truth

Although ever lasting and not deadly

I felt the new detection in my body would change my life forever

I ran, a rabbit trying to beat the race

Back to the hospital to better explain my fate

My ears ring as nurses and doctors reassures me my life isn’t over

Tears coming down as I play back in my eyes

Reflecting hours, minutes, and seconds that I lay unaware of the ramifications

Wetting my shirt as I reach out to my lover

Let down with the allegations put towards me

Results of pleasure

 

15 nights and 16 days later

Still not ok

Timidly interacting with the ones, I love

I contemplate how I will tell 

I scream out of anguish

An ocean filled with waves of confusion, self-blame, and anger

A ladder with no steps and a road with no direction

The carpet pulled from underneath me and hitting the hard concrete floor of the dating pool

Results of pleasure

 

 

I pick up my feet one by one

Weighed with the heavy chains of my own self-criticism

Continuing to live day by day and minute by minute

I choose to remove the chains and run with the lessons I have learned

It won't be unchallenging as the hurdles fade into view

But I will not let one-second change my life any further

The results of pleasure are here but I will detect hope, faith, and forgiveness

Giving myself grace as everyone has made mistakes and this won't be my last

But instead, a wake-up call to watch and protect me, myself and I, and future lovers to come

These are my results of pleasure  

 

 

Author's Note

ignore grammar or spelling issues

Reviews

[Jeyanthi]

OK I was certainly there,
it is even difficult to admit now... yeah broken 💔... but it was said " you learned to love your broken self after... " we must trust anyone else in today's world... it's full of misery.. hope it's not related to you and you are fine now...