Insomnia

Im up late tonight @ 11:29pm and just wanting to write what i'm feeling

Insomnia 

I sit here, looking at the screen that changes in faces,

all wanting to distract me from my sadness, anger, and machinery

or is it numbness, unfulfillment, and desire for what I do not seek in my own actions that changes?

I have insomnia.

I have breathe of life and a new career ever changing, 

bills circulating around me like vultures waiting to take their pick 

with life going week by week and year by year no longer minute by minute and day by day or is that in the eye of the beholder?

I have insomnia.

I'm in a world where truth is no longer truth, but feelings and emotions of our own individual realities has now become set in stone

and if I am to go against that stone it shall break me in half and disregard me although it is meant to be loving, forgiving, and human, does it not contradict? 

I have insomnia.

Yet there are times where life is not glooming and dark but vibrant and colorful 

times full of music and dance, expression and content, beauty within the ugly

I'm traveling to a place where I want to be but not happy in the accomplishment of where I've come,  am I not my own bully?

I have insomnia

I will take the medicine of my own discipline

I will nourish myself in the happiness of my own reality, accomplishments, spirituality, and love of myself and not by others checklist of life

I will close my eyes and thank god for the past as without it I wouldn't be able to fan the vultures away, live year by year, go against the stone, or dance to the music of my colorful unique story that is my life and my life alone

I don't have insomnia, instead I have the restlessness to be me 

not for the tomorrow me but for the present me that will enjoy minute by minute and not count the secs of where I have failed by my actions but of the hours I have succeeded at being me 

Goodnight insomnia may you have an eternal rest away from me 

 

Author's Note

Please leave any comments. open to interpretation. This is a poem based on where I am in live and about the struggles I face and how I am determined to work through them .

Reviews

[Arundass TP]

Excellent poem. Enjoyed reading 👍

[Celie Rose]

I enjoyed your poem, especially these words. "I don't have insomnia; instead, I have the restlessness to be me not for the tomorrow me but for the present me that will enjoy minute by minute and not count the secs of where I have failed by my actions but of the hours I have succeeded at being me." Being present in the moment helps to avoid getting stuck in the past or worrying about the future. One day at a time, and I relate to this by staying in the present moment and taking each day as it comes. I understand the restlessness and the severe stress that it brings. When I am in a stressful situation, I concentrate on returning to the previous state. Staying in the present moment helps me get through life's challenges. Nothing is written in stone.

[Betty Hermelee]

It seems to me that you are somewhat lost emotionally, you thought you had insomnia but It was a kind of restless urge to find yourself in the universe…. Your psyche, your special place, your goals, etc… and to relieve your loneliness…. One must have self respect and self love to move on and begin to be motivated in the course that’s best for you….nice write,
Thank you for sharing….
Warmly,
B.

[Mskendra Renee]

Thank you for your review and yes, I was and still am lost emotionally. Work in progress lol. Completely agree with the self-love and self-respect. It was also about boundaries that I place upon myself and releasing those boundaries for ex. time and social standards or achievements and finding motivation in what I have already gone through, and lessons learned instead of focusing where I want to go.

[Betty Hermelee]

I have been through that mood as well and I felt lost, who to turn to...finally I hired a psychologist who help me very much...much work on my own as well...
Warmly, B